The veils are thinning, do you feel it? Do you feel the sudden spiral of energy you put out in the universe looping right back to you? Once upon a time, this action/reaction cycle took many generations to come full circle so that "the sins of the father" in biblical vernacular, were visited upon generations to come. Now, in some instances, the circle of exchange is almost instantaneous. Notice: are you generating creation or creating a destructive negative feedback loop? The other day I made a rash decision that hurt someone's feelings and I immediately took the hit in the back of my heart center. I could feel the effects of my actions right away. This is a painful, yet helpful teacher--just like the hot stove teaches you "don't touch!" So our learning is now accelerating.
Growing up the teachings of "we reap what we sow" was often eclipsed by so many ideas about God's grace and forgiveness and what one favorite priest called "warm Jesus" that many of us lost that inner/outer connection between our faith and our real lives as we continued to create (consciously or unconsciously) negative feedback loops that severed our souls from fully incarnating in these bodies designed to be temples of light on earth. We have fancy high tech terms to justify our non-growth, non-learning, non-changing, our entrapment in sin and nothing can get us out but Jesus. So we give up growing because the hopeless distance between the poles feels impossibly far off (or too socially risky).
My "happy holiday pictures" I post on Facebook likely don't reveal the challenge it has been to avoid sudden heart pangs and a few ugly cry sessions that took place under my covers last week. I was considering why this Christmas season in particular has been emotionally challenging for me, and I almost feel I can trace this sadness through the annals of time--to the time when humanity fell, when we were enslaved, when the teachings of sacred mothers were eclipsed and erased, when women and land were divided and conquered, when a war machine of money making destruction overtook our planet to bring us to this near breaking point.
Breakdown? Breakthrough. -Jerry Maguire
This dark time of year usually brings to the surface so much loss, so much old heart ache, so much unveiling of deep places of ancestral wounds that long for healing, not only within me, but in the human collective.
Today as I was reading my Great Uncle Phil Froiland's account of our family line, I learned that my Great Grandfather had a brother who passed away on Christmas Eve of tuberculosis at thirteen years old. His name was Thorvald--which also happened to be the name of my beloved dog during my teen years--which were also punctuated by trauma when I was thirteen.
I gasped aloud as discovered/remembered this family trauma, and I FELT how the past echos through time, through my body. How many years was I unconsciously grieving for him? May he rest in peace. May all who have died rest in peace.
During these dark days of the year, and especially this year, I feel the echo of my personal and our collective history even more intensely. The pain that echos through our personal lives (never mind also the ancient past) can be so daunting to face. So daunting that we automatically sever our connection from the intensity and from the integrating principal. Trauma severs. It severs us from our gut, from our heart, from our feet, from our head, from our family, from our community.
To feel deeply these days is challenging for we are a traumatized people and there is much unembodied pain looking for a host to help it heal--or keep recreating/feeding the negative feedback loop of a trauma wheel. Beings are now coming to me in dream state asking for help to cross over. One of my healer friends recently confessed: the veils are so thin! It made me think of end times and the prophecies of the dead rising--maybe we will just all be able to more clearly see those whose trauma is living on in order to be healed and released.
We are a fragmented people. We are afraid of something terrible, not knowing exactly what or who lives in the shadows of our minds, not recognizing the log in our own eyes, mistaking a speck in our neighbors for everything we loathe and fear in ourselves. As I move into the role as a seer, I must also acknowledge how I am also guilty of much unclear seeing. At times it feels impossible to escape our projections. Sociologist, Peter Burger ignited the 60s with the idea that reality is socially constructed, that the deepest order of society – the sacred cosmos as sacred canopy. Our imaginations and feelings are just as important in shaping our reality and the healing of our planet--maybe even more important than unembodied thinking.
The healing path is not always up the mountain to some kind of abstract, ungrounded, non-messy, unmattery, disembodied purity, but down towards the cross at the center of our collective suffering--deep into our flesh and bones. We move towards the eye of the storm which we must go through in order to find relief.
In the center, the life force, the light of which we are made, activates in our spine, like the tree of life branches out into our seven chakras. Light and shadow ascend and descend up the spinal chords like the snakes on the caduceus flowing from base to crown. The paradox of the bird vs. snakes is brought to resolution: the earth and heaven unite and light in its smallest form fractals into infinity like the sacred star of David as the life force awakens us to see all things new.
[Science now confirms that the merkabah is the shape of the photon--a double amplituhedron-- the smallest particles of light which make up the entire structure of our vast universe.]
As I worked to complete Level One of my Dove Oracle Priestess training, I began to practice honoring the gift of feeling and learning how to release it and transform energy. I've often been accused of being "too" sensitive. I've not always been good at blocking everything out in order to "focus" or "think rationally" or "penetrate my reality" in this sort of culturally idealized hyper yang fashion that Americans relish. Instead of seeing my innate difference as a weakness (and feeling shame about it) I'm working to honor and open more to this yin essence. It feels, in SO many ancient ways, taboo. Because to be "a girl" has been a pretty lowly place in the "success ladder" of our cultures--for eons. Because witch hunts and Inquisitions, and families siding with power in order to survive, families having to choose between soul and bread. But these days are coming to an end, as the inside is starting to look more like the outside. As the feedback loop accelerates, we can integrate and build the cosmic sacred shape together on earth more effectively.
If yang is penetrating masculine energy, then yin is receptive feminine. What does the spiritual path look like with less penetration (less convert everyone) and more openness, more balance between the opposites, more equanimity?
More relatedness to mystery and play.
I think in some ways it also means (for now) that we may feel more pain as we work to face the gaps in our inner and outer worlds. As we make these connections within we are also constructing the golden ladder between earth and the highest dimensions of the universe, creating a meaningful link between self and Source, as repairing damage to the spiraling helix in our DNA simply by witnessing pain with compassion, we can change our spiritual DNA and we build the sacred canopy more effectively together.
Pain transmutes and also reveals a light side once acknowledged. Resurrection happens. My practice has been not to attach to the pain (more practice needed). Not to create a shame or a blame story, (more practice needed) but to work to view it like a Sacred Mother would gaze upon all her traumatized crying children as she looks down from the divine heart at the root of pain and heals us with her love rather than severing us with further yang/judgement/trauma of which we have had enough.
Whatever arises, love that. --Matt Khan
The Sacred Mother has two faces, so beware, for she also comes like Kali wielding her knives severing the "thinking" severing the male head, maybe the patriarchy, and whatever attachments continue to poison the earth and her children. Kali, like Medusa, reminds us that even crazy has a symmetry, has a root, has a door, a lock, a key to healing and transformation. Death is a door to new life. The Dark Mother brings a different death than the unceasing hamster wheel of the corporate machine: She initiates us into the natural mysteries of the life force as they work in a woman's body, they also work throughout the holographic structure of the entire cosmos, which is also a sort of womb. She teaches us the way of resurrection.
Many of us judge ourselves so harshly and hate ourselves (or our nature or our perceived weaknesses) so intensely it's virtually unconscious. When we can't see the log in our eye we use someone else in our life to hold that which doesn't seem to fit into our ego-ideal. With holiday visits fresh, this won't be too hard to feel our way into. I know I have held the shadows and deep fears of many. I know I have put my shadows and deep fears on others to bear too. May all of our collective mess become like great fertilizer upon the land. From the mud, the lotus.
Energy is energy and it is always flowing and changing. Pain is also energy that has the potential to be transmuted to serve our collective healing. May it be so. Rather than building up defenses against future pain by trying to control everything, we are learning another kind of courage and strength, that which knows how to open up more, expanding into unknown. This is Yin/feminine energy. While the masculine categorizes what is known, the feminine branches out. It's a flow.
We can act like bees in a hive and create the dance of life, or we can act like locust and destroy creation. We have too many locusts and not enough bees these days. Be a bee.
Fires of transformation call us to descend our core to face the roots of our collective suffering, to help burn away illusions. To live is to change, and yet we cling to the known and fear the unknown. To be fashioned in the holy blacksmith's hands, we enter a great mystery of relationship as we are taught how to ignite the soul light to shine inside of our sacred matter. Love anchors into the earth of our bodies and spans the dimensions of the heavens. The golden ladder is growing.
We are a precious and beloved people. During these sacred days of rapid growth and awakening, may love come down evermore connecting this golden ladder to the earth to mend together our every wound, that we angels may ascend and descend again. May we work to restore creation to the sacred balance, may we awaken and feel the true worth and beauty of our souls, may we see more clearly our path and our part in building the sacred canopy together.
May all beings be happy and free as it was in the beginning, and shall be forevermore, especially in 2017.
Enjoy this song from my Peace Before Us Christmas album <3
And one more gift: a 20 minute Peace Practice filmed at Sacred Passages Chapel in Wimberley, Texas by typing in the pasword: MayPeacePrevail <3