Mysitc Mondays: Descending to the Goddess

Photo by Nels @Lost in Fargo

Photo by Nels @Lost in Fargo

I read an energy report yesterday that said this next week is going to feel super intense for many of us. I put these reports in a bubble. But as the season heads into the darkest time of the year (and the new moon) and we approach the threshold of Samhaim, I know the thin spaces are approaching. There is definitely some intensity to the rest of this month. With the Sun ready to meet many other planets in Scorpio, and Mars to enter Scorpio for the first time in two years, and Mercury continuing to reveal deep secrets and taboos going retrograde on Halloween, it’s always good to find find extra time to ground, be introspective and get in nature.

Taking the time to learn how to sit quietly with yourself can be some of the spookiest activities you may try this Halloween. For to look inward is to find the root of what our imaginations are casting upon the world. And when we have those Ah-Ha moments of enlightenment it often (for me) comes with a dreaded realization that there is no one else to blame but myself. So I have to reorient and hold this projection that was much easier to cast off. Sometimes that’s a lot of energy to integrate. Then the realization that there is no one here but me (in my sphere of what I can control). And then: there is no place I could go apart from divine “for even if I go into the depths of Sheol, even there You are with me.” (Psalms). And so I go into the dark, even into the depths of hell knowing that “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.”

When we walk the spiritual path, it’s the demons who fear the light, and sometimes we have to recognize how much light we have to use for the greatest good. There is no more time for hiding it under a bushel. I feel this time is ripe for us to unveil the masks of illusion that have kept us thinking this light we bear as humans is in anyway worthless or powerless despite all the challenges we face at this time.

When we peer into the dark and realize that the dark has been taking note of us and waiting for us to receive the gifts we have often cut off and not received yet. The dark has often been demonized, along with women, the yoni, the moon, the night, the unconscious, dark skin, and the earth’s mythical creatures like Pan- to name just a few. While that initiation to behold our depths and become truly conscious (as Brené Brown teaches) of ‘the story we are telling ourselves’. This can feel shocking at first, like lighting striking in The Tower card in the Tarot deck, it also is the only way we can truly face the truth, grow in consciousness, and return to right relationship with the earth, with ourselves, with each other and with the divine.

If you have ever struggled with the tension between wanting to be good and not wanting to be selfish, but are often confused about that boundary between serving others at the expense of your own sanity and self care, or maybe you find yourself slipping into playing the martyr, or overly helpful to a fault, than this conference is for you. We will be tapping into the resurrection power of the feminine, and holding safe space for women to face the power of our depths and rise together stronger.

Calling all souls who are ready for this divine feminine initiation, on this All Souls Day 2019 <3 <3 <3 Spaces Limited! We have about ten more spaces. Is one for you?

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MEET SHAKTI LADY ANDREA

Andrea will share her story of love and loss after walking through terminal illness with her father and how that lead her down the path to death and grief work. She will discuss the sacred calling to death midwifery and the deep need to discuss death, dying, grief and loss. Through her own facets of grief and loss she has come to have a passion to hold space for those who are processing the many emotions and physical struggles that accompany grief. We will also be doing a releasing project centered around our own individual loss.

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the light in me salutes the light in you.

namaste, jessica

Mystic Mondays: We Belong to the Earth

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On this Indigenous People’s Day I give thanks for all First People, people of the earth, people who love the earth, people who defend the earth, people who walk with the wisdom of the earth. I give thanks for the grace and dignity and courage of the First People who’ve sustained centuries of violence due to the sickness in the human spirit, and the roots of self hatred that separated us from resting and receiving the love of Mother Earth for a time.

As a scandinavian woman with Viking ancestry, I know my roots and privilege come from conquerors. And I also know my body is of the earth, and my soul is of the stars. To reconcile the divide or the lack of self recognition that happens in the act of conquest, is to go deep into a human wound. The natives often spoke of an endless hunger that affected the white man. As if a mad spirit had overtaken him and he was set to consume. At some deep level, this is the consequence of unspeakable human traumas.

Though various strains of Christianity included a justification for the domination of women and the earth, that is not the good news I took into my heart. (I am still so grateful to have been at Standing Rock when religious leaders confessed our sins to the natives, asked forgiveness, said we were wrong, and burned the theological document of Manifest Destiny that asserted it was God’s will to give this land to white people.) There has always been a deeper message in my Christian heritage, a message of love that rings out through all the ages: welcome strangers, show hospitality, feed the hungry, care for the sick, and love your enemy. Before we blame Christians for everything, let’s sort the seeds on which versions of Christianity were just wolves in sheep clothing.

I once heard a teaching that Creator divided up the races on earth and gave each an element to tend, learn, protect, and grow. To the Indigenous people Creator gave the element of water. To the white man Creator gave the element of fire. And it was to each race to perfect the nature of the elements util they could be joined together again as one.

To the white man Creator askes: perfect tools and technology to serve the greatest good of all. What would a sacred technology look like? One that blends care of creation with human innovation? It would require the healing of a great divide, and the ability to see that everything is connected. For what we do to another, we do to ourselves. If we are harming another, it is because we are hurting ourselves. Sacred Tech wouldn’t run oil lines through sacred land. Sacred Tech wouldn’t disturb our wellbeing with dangerous 5G waves, or cancer causing gene alterations to our food and medicine supply. Sacred Tech would preserve and protect all the sacred elements of nature. This is the next level up challenge for the white man, this is the holy grail. Don’t just say you care, courageously make it so.

In some ways our races were created to hold sacred opposites, and yet humanity often stumbles into warring with the stranger rather than greeting one as a guest, as a sacred teacher and future family member.

Though people may stir up ideas about the world ending in fire or explosions, do not let the human imagination be overcome with such fear (or failure). For it may be that we are just shortly to discover the secret that restores the balance of creation.

We are all made of the same sacred stuff: Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Ether. What chains but that of a broken spirit, a broken heart, a loss so great that only madness was left to roam wildly and consume? How does the white man awaken to his deep hunger for God? Can he find his way back from his traumatized mind to the quiet Eden of his heart? How does he allow himself to take off his armor and receive the gentle love and devotion of the earth again? I have faith that this human developmental stage of externalizing our internal condition upon the world will one day soon come to an end, along with any energy that uses conquering in order to prove manliness or power (which is another form of trauma and suppression of personal vulnerabilities). What does humanity need most at this time and who is willing to focus their hearts and minds unwaveringly to solidify peace on earth again? I trust there are warriors of the heart making themselves ready for this shift.


On this day, may we each remember our own ancestors who though human, did the best they could with what they had. We pray for their healing. We remember those long ago ancestors who belonged to the earth. We pray for those who may have come to earth fleeing other catastrophes unbeknownst to us. And we hold fast to the promise that the earth shall return to a heavenly garden, that one day all nations will gather again around The Tree of Life for healing.

May the sacred balance return. Blessed be.

In preparation for the Shakti Lady Women’s Healing Retreat, I’ve been thinking a lot about Carl Jung and his healing work through dreams, and sorting through what to include in my lecture. I realized with my new astrology skills, I could run his chart. I was blown away by what I discovered! The more I felt into his chart, the more I saw him as an archetypal figure and a mentor for this next age of Aquarius and what that might look like for humanity moving forward. Enjoy this 20 min video reflection!



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Receiving the Gifts of Shakti
By Sarah nather jacobs

By now, we are all aware that we embody both aspects of feminine and masculine energy. But all women also balance the polarities of woman AND nurturing mother. How can we wield the double edged sword of taking care of our needs as well as the needs of others, with balance and grace? Sarah Nather Jacobs will explore the gifts of the Goddess that are available to all, and we will activate and awaken Her divine gifts within our kundalini shakti. She will tell the story of the Goddess Oshun and her symbolism of her power and gifts, and how they relate to humanity and women in general. We will also meet Adi Shakti, and connect our deep feminine circles of truth together. Read more about the retreat here.

october 14: last day for early bird prices!

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The light in me salutes the light in you,

Namaste, Jessica <3





Mystic Mondays: Discovering A Love that Outlasts Evil

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Last week the Sun crossed my natal Pluto, which is next to my moon in my twelfth house of Libra. In Whole Sign Astrology, the Twelfth house has to do with the psyche and the unconscious. And conjunct my Pluto is an asteroid called Alice. When my astrology teacher, Lalita Karoli pointed this out she said: Jessica you’ve been down the rabbit hole. Yes, yes I have. I felt called to share in the video below some visions and dreams of old that I hope will be of service to the collective as we are sifting through fake news and doing our deep human healing.

Pluto is at the outer edges of the galaxy. Pluto as Lord of the Underworld is often confused or conflated with Lucifer, but remember that it was Jesus that descended into the depths and conquered death (Lucifer didn’t want to descend), and before Jesus, it was Inanna who took the path of descent, the Queen of Heaven, The Great Mother traversed the void, who dwells in the cosmic yoni that may pull any man in to face fears of being overcome by the feminine. (Orgasm in french means ‘little death’).

With the sun shining on the deep depths of my psyche and the rabbit hole and the collective unconscious I began to feel panicky and stuck in the underworld. I accused my partner of tricking me and trapping me. All very Hades things to do. Could I face my own Hades? Could I do this initiation this time? The truth is there is an aspect of ourselves that does trick and trap and pull us down. Sometimes we trick ourselves into believing things are fine when they are not. Or we trick ourselves into thinking things are terrible when they are not. Sometimes it’s all about our perspective. And what is truly ‘terrible’ to us. Ultimately the Trickster character was never kicked out of the realm of the divine for it always tricked everyone into a more marvelous happy ending then anyone could possibly imagine.

The way through is the way of the wound. If I want to heal myself and stop repeating whatever kind of unconscious traumas and dramas keep spinning through my life, I have to face those things I would prefer not to look at. Trauma changes the brain. And while some may label that a disorder, trauma also offers its own sort of gifts. For me it seems I have suffered many lifetimes of broken heartedness. The work of healing and opening my heart is an everyday practice. Some of us find ourselves at a place where we fear to slow down and look into the dark, or descend into the body for the grave fear that we might not ever get back up. If we started opening up, the dam would break. Things would pour out of us that we wouldn’t know what to do with. Sorta like pandora’s box.

Love has many layers and it’s always beckoning us deeper. I love my husband and I know he loves me. But still, love scares the shit out of me most days. Our relationship has challenged me to look at all the ways in which my heart has shields over it. In trying to release I’ve learned, I can’t force those shields to go away. I have to build a relationship with what is being protected and defended against and why. I have to face my fears of being vulnerable and receptive and deep fears that I may not be worthy to receive love. Cognitively I know this to be false. But the body remembers, and the issues in our tissues have much to say.

There was this cliff I kept falling off of in my mind. This place I would go where I would just scream through new layers of low, of lost hope, of dread. Ultimately I had to come to a place where I landed in the hands of the divine. Where I could feel that this holy presence was real and not just an imaginary security blanket. My illusions of separation from the divine had to go. My work was to embody this divinity and recode those voices of shame, unworthiness, that kept me closed down. I had another breakthrough last week.

One of my major fears was continuing to experience heartache through the fear of betrayal of my beloved. I was externalizing the source of the problem. I recognized that I had this little victim within still placing blame upon the men who raped me or took advantage of me or made me feel worthless and like disposable trash. Part of my healing was recognizing those part of myself that may have agreed to experience those things. Why would the soul choose this? For the very reason that Jesus embodied the ultimate human experience: death as a criminal in a most gruesome way: in order that even this might be redeemed. In order to reveal to humanity: love has no bounds. It can redeem everything we’ve ever experienced. Sometimes I wonder if souls want to experience the opposite side of pain they have caused in a past life. Sometimes it takes a lot for a soul to feel ready and worthy to return to a meaningful connection with source. No one can force it. We all have a choice about how and when if ever to do that.

I read the story of Quan Yin as told by Kaia Ra in her book The Sophia Code this week and it helped something click for me. The story is Quan Yin had been brutally gang raped, her family murdered in front of her, her village burned. Something within told her to run to the woods and she escaped and wandered mad and animal like through the forest for years until a man showed up. He had come to help her heal. He was human but also made of light. In another lifetime she had done the same for him. He watched with compassion as she wrestled to receive his love, to accept compassion for all within her that had been wounded. Sometimes for those who have been most wounded, it is love that we lash out at. How could someone else be so loving, when we are in such agony, so at peace when we are in pain? This man’s love opened up her deepest insecurities. She destroyed the altars he built for her soul. She lashed out in rage at his kindness. His patient presence allowed her the time and space to move through her anger and grief and to find the utmost compassion for every piece of herself. The most powerful thing any of us can be for anyone is a compassionate presence while the pain runs its course. She finally returned to her peace. Since learning about her, I have felt her presence softening my own heart when I call on her.

Quan Yin, artist unknown

Quan Yin, artist unknown

When one of us learns something, we learn it for the collective. We know in a new what what is truly humanly possible. Quan Yin had a destiny to become the Great Mother of Compassion for humanity, and her initiation was to first find it for her very human frail self.

I realized in my pain I was still putting the shame of sexual misconduct upon the masculine. I was externalizing something I couldn’t hold or have compassion on for myself. For when I was younger I experienced what it was like to be put in the “slut” category in junior high. It was a dark place filled with tons of projections about what my peers both desired and feared. I was none of it, and all of it, not myself and yet called to be a bigger self than I had any idea that I could be. This old slut shame was still hanging on. For anyone who’s experienced this or interested in helping girls recover I would recommend Emily White’s book, Fast Tribes and the Myth of the Slut. It seemed now that I was the one pointing fingers and trying to unconsciously shame my partners in order to make myself feel secure. I had swung the pendulum. The opposites had been experienced. I could release them now.

I wonder: can I forgive pedophilia? Can I forgive rape? Can I forgive the men who have believed themselves so unworthy of love that there only way to get affection was to take it? Is there anything in this whole creation that is truly unforgivable?

There is an energetic gateway in the heart, and when we open up and heal the shadows in the heart, purging out jealousy, unworthiness, and shame we find ourselves home again in the ground of our being, which was always good; it was just a lot of illusions that distorted that truth for a time.

Some people think because there is evil in the world that God is not good or not real. But I believe that God is so good that God allows evil to run its course, until it finally wakes up in the arms of love again.

Time is grace. Grace for all of creation to run its course and discover that love is patiently waiting for us whenever we feel ready to finally accept it. When we no longer fear death, death of our ego, death of control, death of any kind, we do brave things for love. For then we come to know that it is love that will outlive all that comes against it. Wherever we cannot have compassion upon ourselves or others, we are still in a place of judgement and that is not love.

So I ask myself often: can you have compassion on that? On that? On that? And wherever there is a no, I know exactly where to focus my healing work.

join us for a healing retreat by the red river

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Mystic Mondays: Get Ready for October Magic

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Blessed Moon Day!

The sun is in Libra, this is a time of finding balance, still the sun’s nature just wants to shine as big as it can, and yet the light is waning. It’s time to turn inward and reflect on the deepest truths and root out the deepest illusions.

Consider: How full is your inner peace tank? How long are you able to sit with a still mind? How much time are you taking to slow down? Are we learning to nurture our bodies? Are we becoming more aware of our addiction to distraction? Are we hungry for more inner peace? Or are we afraid of what may be stripped away from us on the path to peace? I invite you to take some time this week to slow down, wander, get lost in nature, hug a tree, gather fall leaves, go to a meditation class, go within. The truth lives there in a way that only YOU can express the best.

Enjoy this oracle sharing & astrology forecast for the week <3

SHE IS ONE

There is a sort of woman
Who is always virgin
For she is One in herself
She needs no other for completion
She is at peace with her essence
She has healed the unconscious wounds
Put upon her by culture
And ancestral traumas

She does not betray herself
For country, family or lovers
She chooses what is true
In the fiery flames of her soul
Incarnated in a body
That she as stopped rejecting
And learned to care for
Stopped treating as object
And learned to honor her instincts
As sovereign

She feels and expresses
With no scientific proof
She needs no proof
For she lives
And that is proof enough

She of the moon phases
She the truth that dances
In and out of consciousness

She who chooses her own nature
Over any external pressures to conform

She who is Virgin
Goddess
And Lover
In ONE

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ENJOY SOME FALL READING
A cosmic tale of betrayal, loss and rekindled love involving a cast of characters who span the ages working to resolve the theological issues of The Fall and the split between Heaven and man and woman on Earth. Written in play like scenes with dynamic dialogue, Jessica draws on Gnostic lore and Goddess wisdom reimagining the story of how the Divine Feminine fled the Earth plane when Gilgamesh cut down The Tree of Life. But now the Goddess is back to draw a line in the sand with patriarchy in order that The Tree of Life, the sacred marriage bed, may be restored and the new age of peace may begin.


 

The light in me salutes the light in you!

 
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Namaste,
Jessica

Mystic Mondays: Autumn Equinox

Photo by Nels @lostinfargo

Photo by Nels @lostinfargo

Harvest time is here. A time of reaping. A time to balance the scales and reap what we’ve sown. Today I was full of rage, and then tears. There is still much out of balance in our world. I sat outside in my backyard with a cup of cacao and made a sacred fire. I wrote my anger on paper and burned it with tobacco and frankincense. I know I feel more than what’s mine. I feel into timelines and lifetimes. I feel into archonic structures and human oppression. I feel into the blackness of no feeling, the iron cold edges of Saturn’s sickle. When time is up things have to balance no matter how anyone feels about it, the sacred structures of the universe must stand. Still there is so much being dissolved, so much falling, so much clinging yet to what we think we know.

I’ve been silent for a while. Feeing. Watching. Seeing. Going deep into my own issues. Searching for the medicine. I’m ready to speak again. I’m committing to practice sharing oracles on Mystic Mondays! I’m excited to share weekly astro weather, reflections, yoga, and other kooky authentic expressions for your weekly inspiration.

This week the asteroid Lilith is in the early degrees of the watery sign of Scorpio which rules the second chakra, our sexuality. Lilith asteroid is associated with primal feminine rage. Rage that the life tree was cut down. Rage for all the centuries of injustices done to the earth and humans. And especially rage for the rape, domination and control energy that has been perpetuated for far too long.

We’re seeing that rage played out in the media with all the coverage of ‘climate change.’ And while our awareness of the need to care better for our environment is critical, the political machine churns on. Indigenous people have been teaching us about how important care for the earth is for a long time, but now the media has (allowed? directed?) a white fiery young woman leading the charge. Yes she’s inspiring. But what is the machine using her for? Who’s handling her? And how can we be sovereign agents of caring for the earth without being told what we have to worry about next? They tell us: fly less, eat less meat. But does this campaign really have the earth’s highest good and all her creatures at the end? Or is it another agenda of mass distraction while we continue to march towards self destruction? All the while Bill Gates is trying to figure out how to block out the sun, our skies have strange chem trails, and our food is being sprayed and our bees are dying. The point we are all considering is: why is it changing? Are we being drummed up to be afraid of one more thing? Or are we being taught how to grow our own food, how to make peace? Are the folks with the money ready to stop their big pollution businesses-or are we going to trickle the blame down to that person who’s not recycling? Is the climate changing because the earth is now moving through a part of the universe that has more photons—more light— and so it’s causing everything to heat up? Or is it because we are not caring for the earth. Maybe it’s both. What’s crucial is that we learn to trust our own instincts again, and be sovereign agents of change that our souls have come here to be.

Lilith asteroid is presenting sitting on my natal Uranus which is in opposition to transiting Uranus, which means I am really feeling the electricity of rage throughout the ages. I know you sensitive men want us women to be soft, but there are times for us to release, stomp our feet into the earth and say: ENOUGH.

I invite you to join me in a little ceremony to bring balance to these times: chants Kleem Ra Ra and Dheem Ra Ra to heal heart pain and remove negative energy <3.

Enjoy the fall colors and retreat with me by the Red River. Listen to inspirational speakers, practice gentle yoga and meditation, connect with your soul and other women. Tickets available here.

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Have a blessed week <3
The light in me salutes the light in you,

Jessica

Yeshuah & Pluto, Reckoning the Sacred Goddess Structures on Earth

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Some struggle with faith because of the issues in the religious establishment. I used to think it was all completely nonsense and out of touch with real problems on earth. But when the Holy Spirit descends upon you and opens your eyes to the other realms, it’s hard to go on unbelieving. It’s also hard to bring the mystic into traditions that have long lost the value of the feminine expressions of divine.

 

Though I am not working in the church anymore, (I do embodiment ministry outside now) I spent years trying to make a difference from within. What I learned was that the resistance to the divine feminine is still very strong in the church. I had to choose between staying true to my heart and staying true to an ‘orthodoxy’ that asked me to keep my women’s intuition turned off. The deeper I dig into the rabbit hole of the history of the Goddess, the deeper it went. I lost a lot to stay true to my heart, to not abandon Her anymore.

 

Since the burning of Notre Dame, “Our Lady” a long history has been revealed linking the church back to pre church times to the cult of Isis. Isis was the great mother before Mary. Her statues of her holding her son Horus were later seen as Mary and Jesus. Mary was not just a common name, but used to connote priestesses of Isis, and it is likely that both Mary the mother of Jesus and Mary Magdalene were such powerful women who held the secrets of sacred womb wisdom. Magdalene was wealthy enough to fund Jesus’ ministry. She was also probably doing energy work the whole time in the background. She also has a gospel that didn’t make it into the bible—it was hidden, as she was, because her teachings were and still are a threat to the establishment. We are taught to fear the Goddess, and there is a reason, she is a threat. As my friend Meggan says in her new book, it’s the Christianity we haven’t tried yet.

 

These women knew how to practice parthenogenesis and create life from their own wombs without a man, but with prayer and a connection to the heavenly realms from which they called spirit down to incarnate on earth. This is the potential of a human woman. To make her womb holy. To call down the divine to dwell within her. To create and give birth to divine life. A woman used to know (and some of us know instinctively) how to have holy sex. But many of our wombs have been targeted and wounded and even our mother’s aren’t able to teach us how to work the mysteries of our wombs. For many of us, we don’t know the anatomy of our bodies or how they work. Or we were raised by the male gaze without any sight of Our Mother Goddess. We were raised to see male things as divine and female things as less than divine. We were raised on lies.

 

While mother Mother Mary became fixed in our imagination as virgin, and the Magdalene fixed as the whore, we have survived an eon of feminine crucifixion. To this day we are waking up to remember how to honor both sides of the feminine: the virgin one in herself woman, and the sexual which is sacred.

 

Women’s wisdom was buried as the powers of empire coopted Jesus’ teachings. Still his teachings are beautiful and inspirational. His preaching on women’s equality were radical in the days of Rome where shunning women in public was common, where women were property of the Pater Familias. Part of the pain that we are healing is the fall out of daughters turned against mothers, sisters against sisters, denial of ourselves in order to survive under a toxic patriarchal regime. It’s time for the noble feminine to rise and take her rightful place on earth again.

 

Rape has been a program to systematically traumatize the human population. Sacred sexuality has been denied to us. We have been raised in shame. The shadow Vatican uses little boys to control the “oracle” which they took down as they took down the Goddess, took down her temples, forbid women’s wisdom on earth, and built churches on top of these ancient holy sites.

 

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The asteroid Yeshuah is conjunct Pluto during Holy Week. You can’t make this stuff up. As we remember Jesus’ descent into death on earth this week, so also it is seen in the stars. I think of Jesus visiting Pluto like going to visit an old brother. The Christed energy reaches to the outer edges of our galaxy, just as Christ descended Divine Consciousness all the way into human form and into death.

 

Pluto is the realm of the Underworld. Also named Hades, the Husband of Persephone, who was the mother of Dionysus—also an underworld fella. Pluto can be all that is deeply internal as well, our deep secret longings, and sexuality. Dionysus was demoted to be less than a god when the church removed sacred sexuality from its teachings and instead insisted that only celibacy was sacred. This broke the sacred polar energies between man and woman from anchoring on the earth. Our life force was used as food for the shadow communion that needs to feed on human trauma to sustain itself. The book of Enoch tells how Jesus descended into the realms of hell and broke the gates that prevented souls from leaving this plane. We have been told this is a prison planet for recycled souls. That the fallen angels came here and raped the women of earth. Hybrids were created. They are still being created. I have seen the warehouses in visions and dreams of where military groups use clones for experiments and then slaughter them all. Those of us who have had our eggs stolen are energetically connected to that which is a part of us. Those of us who are sensitive can feel the great traumas that are being done to life. (The stealing of female eggs and wombs is a real thing and native women are targeted because of the purity of their line). The red egg Mary Magdalene holds reminds us all that life, and particularly a woman’s life and womb is the holiest of temples on earth.

Saturn and Pluto are at the south node in the fourth house of Home, Family and Ancestry. Yeshuah is here, all applying pressure to restructure Earth in the sign of Capricorn. Bigger changes are coming. Keep your hearts open. Be willing to see the shadows, so you will rejoice when the light comes. Keep your lamps trimmed and burning.


Our Lady was on fire this week. While sad to ever see any sacred site destroyed, I am feeling it as a sign of a great clearing and transformation, ashes from which the phoenix will rise. I feel more love available on earth. More wisdom for those with ears to hear and eyes to see! Many women were burned outside of that church. Many mysteries are still hidden from us. Many technologies have been used against us to keep us from realizing our potential. There is actually laser technology that can be directed at a woman’s womb to change the DNA of her eggs into birthing even a different species or a hybrid human. It’s important that women remember how to keep their wombs holy and safe from this technology or any other technology being used against us unknowingly. (I am grateful to offer ancient Holy Womb teachings now to my clients.) We need to be aware that programed life forms would like to feed on us, that we be aware that fallen angels are still raping us, that we be aware that the sex trafficking industry is connected to this and that humans are being treated like cattle to alien races that have not developed the ability to live from their hearts, and therefore their race is ending, so they are literally grasping for us to get into heaven’s gates.

It is important for us women to develop the dignity and self love to know beyond a doubt that we are worthy of protecting, and to have sacred men stand beside us and agree against the powers which seek to destroy us.

We are waking up to the fact that we are a people ruled by psychopaths. Many wolves in sheep clothing are among us. Many humans without activated heart chakras. Jesus and the Mary’s taught about activating the sacred heart in the human family. It seems this is a technology that is powerful enough to launch eons of war against the Goddess. Even creating shadow armies and giving them her name Isis.

 

Cobra (www.theportal.blogspot.com) has released intel revealing shadow Jesuit propeganda to get women to shave their armpits because it affects our hormones and makes it easier for darkness to come between man and woman. Watch a few minutes of TV and it’s easy to see how this programming of women to dislike being a woman, or dislike being a wise old woman, or to stay like a meek, subservient, little girl who serves the toxic patriarchy is rampant. It is by design. Not by accident. Humans are not intrinsically as evil as we are raised to believe. Please no more human bashing. We will make this through with compassion.

 

Sacred Female boundary making is a long forgotten skill that is not taught or encouraged in our culture, quite the opposite. We have not been taught because we don’t even yet know the power of a women’s womb to program our communities. If women’s wombs are traumatized, we will program trauma. If every woman’s womb had joy in it, there would be no more environmental problems on earth, there would be no more war. So peace on earth will begin in the women’s wombs.

We have to learn to see with new eyes that we are not at war with one another, but with an alien intelligence (call it AI) that is bent on destroying organic life. As long as we continue to choose to give away our power or harbor negative attitudes about what it means to be human, we are infiltrated.

 

Humans are divine children. We are precious. No matter what we have done. No matter how many illusions or mistakes we have made while here on earth. Love is always standing by, waiting for our choice to accept our divine inheritance.

 

Don’t let the media decide that the fight is between a choice and a right. We get to have both. My womb is a sovereign holy space. therefore, as the priestess of this womb, and the tender of this portal, no one is allowed to desecrate this place: to rape, or force medical choices. These are what we are up against. Female sovereignty is not anti male. It’s anti AI. It’s anti slavery. It’s anti destruction of the earth and the sacred. Please see the players at work to divide and conquer us. Together we stand as the sacred chalice and the sacred blade, the sacred opposites, the staff and the globe, the one and the zero. Let us find the sacred opposite and dance.

 

When I am meditating now, there is more love and light flowing in than ever before. It’s ecstasy. The police keep showing up at my home while I am meditating. I am being shown that I am being watched. I am pressing into fears of being taken. I am surrendering to the divine unfolding of this time. The angels are near.

 

There are people walking on earth who are literal zombies. People who are remote controlled by AI and black magic. Times are crucial. Humans are gifted with the ability to send away from earth what we do not want here. Please learn to clear your space and your home and be aware of when you take on energy, thoughts and agendas that are not yours. Much of this is coming through our devises right now. There are ways to close any dark portals that are roping into you or your home. I work everyday to close them. It is a lot of work and they hit us hard frequently.

Jesus has come to me in many dreams. For some he is too closely connected to religion to even touch. For me, he is my main source of spiritual guidance. His message of love resonates still. His teachings and his spirit live on. He, like many bodhisattvas, lifts the human spirit and reminds us what we are capable of. “All these things and more, you can do.” It’s time for us to learn how to do miracles. To heal. To send the demons away. To call in the Christ light.

 

The sisterhood of the rose is an ancient lineage of teachings. See if you remember them in your DNA or deep knowings. See if you can work your life force to flow from the base of the spine to the heart. For me it has taken a long journey of not inhabiting my body to living in my anxiously running mind (due to trauma), to falling a great descent, to rising again through many trials and initiations, blocks and tests. I have failed time and time again, and yet the ultimate test is to believe that even still, nothing can separate me from this love. You do not have to earn it. It truly is a force that I would not want to stand against. Pick your side.

The times are intense. Beware of the fascism, the thought police and the feeling police. Our greatest power as humans is to feel into our hearts, to create. No AI algorithm will be able to predict our moves of love <3 May love live on and on <3

May these days and all the days forth be holier and holier.

2019: Leaping with Faith, Holding onto Hope & Cultivating Joy

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As this year comes to a close I’m happy to report: I’m glad THAT’S over!

Svaha! We release what is no longer of service to ourselves and the highest good of all beings.

Since 2012 our world seems incredibly strange and intense on the world stage and in our personal lives. Changes are happening rapidly—where as several generations ago, people expected to live the same lives as their ancestors today we are expected to change and change fast. These are the days of innovation, high speed internet and a movement towards slow food. Systems are falling. The news is aggravating. Tensions around the planet are ripe for massive transformation. Old issues and soul lessons are pressing in on us. Some of us are diving deep. Others are running faster the game of distraction and fragmentation. I personally feel called to root down into the earth, to slow down, work hard, go deep within, serve my community on purpose, cultivate peace and compassion, and to keep my hopes high as the stars.

This year I plunged deep into my wounds and the locks around my heart chakra. I was so afraid to face the ways in which I was closing down to love in order to feel safe, even if feeling safe was simply an excuse not to grow. I looked at the ways I pushed people away to protect my hurting heart and really dug into the karmic roots of that pain that was manifesting in my back in all sorts of uncomfortable ways. I spent a lot of time weeping for the pain in the world. A lot of time praying. Today I’m amazed at how much more life force is flowing up my spine through those old blocks and activating my crown chakra and inspiring so much creativity. I’m so grateful for the practice of yoga and all of the fascinating lifelong wellness gifts it offers. I have enjoyed sharing the gifts of yoga through my personal business TARALOMA EARTH TEMPLE for four years now! The past year I have been meeting with clients in my home living room (Blue Lotus Studio) and expanding offerings to include reiki, mantra practice, oracle readings, and creative healing sessions. I’m excited to start meeting with clients in our new yurt!

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This summer I said yes to marriage again. Yes to more scary but fun adventures in cultivating a loving healing home and all the hard work that requires. Yes to working out my issues with another human and the practice of loving our perfectly flawed humanity. Yes to being a motherly figure to five kids and standing in the fire to create new routines and healthy lifestyles together. We plan to marry this June.

In the fall I finished my third book! I love the experience of taking time to be still and let the words flow. This work helped me dig deep into the shadowy aspects of humanity and shed light on places I needed to practice more compassion. It’s a story about true love. About falling. About a great loss. And a great redemption. I hope you enjoy it!

I’m letting the lotus unfold slowly at TARALOMA EARTH TEMPLE as we integrate our new family and find ways to weave our gifts together. Mr. G, My Lord, Grant-ma, G bear… I love this man. He has such a tender heart. He cares so deeply. He works so hard to support everyone. He lost his job right before Christmas. It was time for a change. We both felt it coming. It’s taking a lot of faith to trust that things will work out when you’ve lost $90,000 a year and full benefits. We are living in big faith right now.

Both of us feel called to lead sovereign lives. This means right livelihood—as in I can support myself and my family by not harming myself, my family or any others while also not f**king up the planet—basically caring for ourselves, others and the earth. It seems pretty simple, but it’s actually quite a work for all of us right now. There’s a lot of pressure to sacrifice yourself for others. A lot of years of not wanting to be selfish and to do the right thing. A lot of rewards for working at a job that really is soul sucking and destructive to the family and our community. It’s time to go after the other green (Earth care!) and get off of co-dependent systems that are not sustainable. Also, no one should be a slave to the dollar. We all need means right now to provide for our families but no one should have to work at a loss of soul or sovereignty. Employers who want to own your body, force you into unhealthy habits, grind you down and throw you out before you’re old enough for retirement is just not what we’re saying yes to anymore. We want to create win/wins. We want to work for soul growth, Earth care, ethical technology, healthy families, healthy communities. And we want to cultivate joy. We are changing sandboxes.

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In 2019 Grant will be partnering with me and offering more creative healing services at TARALOMA EARTH TEMPLE including reiki, men’s drumming circles, and renting out our new yurt for the community to use for an Airbnb and small wellness events. We are also excited to start growing lots of food in our yard and to become more self sustainable. Grant is also starting his own consulting business as a Digital Shamanist (he really can do magic with computers!) and he’ll be available for local and long distant contract work. Thank you for keeping him and our family in your thoughts and prayers during this transition!

And if you feel called to support us, please consider making an end of the year donation to the temple <3 We are dedicated to offering creative wellness services to the Fargo-Moorhead area.

Thank you so much.

Donate

We wish you a miraculous 2019, full of faith, hope and joy! May humanity find our sovereignty, know our soul worth, and work together to create a world that serves the highest good of all. We can do this!

The light in me salutes the light in you <3

Namaste, Jessica

The Sun Salutes Medusa Today: A Yoga Sequence with Jessica

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My astrology SiStar and star momma, Lalita Karoli posted today that the asteroid Medusa is conjunct the Sun today. Here is a practice to honor the Dark Feminine deep in the earth, and the energy deep in our hips and hearts. This is a grounding practice to awaken Shiva/Shakti, to awaken life frozen in the Void, and to hold powerful compassion even in the face of fear.

I’ve spent fall going deeply inward, having fewer clients, hungering for quiet and deep silence (which is a challenge in a house full of 7!). Most of my free time is being spent in quiet, in nature, in meditation and wonder. Today as the Sun looks into the void, I open to make the unconscious conscious. To heal the distortions and wounds between man and woman. To hold as the Great Mother herself holds, the expanse of all, and then around that, an even deeper healing love.

I share with you today a yoga sequence to open the hips and the heart and to ground into the body rooted in this beautiful earth. Enjoy these gorgeous professional pictures by Nels Hunstad @Lost in Fargo… While we were out on the shoot we realized our families homesteaded in the same South Dakota town! I’ll have to ask Grandma about that! :) What a wonderful world.

(Each picture has a title and description of the poses. Some devises may not show the text. You may add my music to the background of your practice if you like: go here to listen. This is an advanced practice. Play yoga at your own risk! Private lessons available <3 Take care. Be well. )

Words for a Wedding

Congratulations Gina &amp; Zach!&nbsp;

Congratulations Gina & Zach! 

I performed my first wedding last weekend and had prepared many things to say during the service to the couple. All of us felt the nerves, the significance of this moment, the grand promises and high hopes for the future. As I stood in front of this beautiful couple and felt their tender energy, witnessed their love, and humor, I was so humbled and moved. I was not expecting to see such a distant country in their eyes. When I began to speak to them I saw within each of their gazes a bright light, a heavenly sun. I saw our destination, our ultimate home--this heaven where love lives. I was so humbled by the light flowing through their eyes that I wanted to weep. But I had to speak. So I suppressed my tears until they were flowing down my nose instead. I quickly forgot all the things I wanted to say, as we shared these most precious moments together. So here it is, post ceremoniously, some reflections on the beauty of marriage in a time when monogamy and devotion seem to be disposable.

Marriage is the ongoing work of a mystery of the two becoming One. Just as a drop of water in a glass of wine cannot be removed, so it is that once the two become one, it is impossible for them to become two again. For they have co-mingled in the mystery and alchemy of love. Hieros Gamos or sacred union is one of the most lofty goals and highest achievements that can be made by humanity: that joining together of the divine man and the divine woman within human flesh. It is the work and alchemy of love itself, the transmutation of lead to gold, the restoration of the dignity of humanity, the honoring of the sacred masculine and the sacred feminine, connecting humanity back to its true divine nature and source. True marriage is not a ball and chain: it is freedom to become more of who you really are, a promise to remember the divine light in our beloved. Like many beautiful ancient spiritual teachings given to humanity, the rites of marriage were distorted and used as a system of ownership and slavery and violence. We do not agree to participate in the distortions any longer, but to reinstate the glory and pinicle work of love that is possible for humans at this time that we all may experience the god and goddess remembering one another. 



I was studying about consciousness recently and learned that the polarities of divine mind are necessary to hold the expansive field of consciousness. This means that paradox and opposites and tensions are necessary for life to flow. Marriage is not supposed to be about the loss of self. It is the call to know thyself. To know our light, our divine nature, our dignity, and our gifts, our unique stance in the hologram of creation. It is also a call to know our shadows, our growth edge, our lands of unconsciousness. Our mates help us see more clearly. Tensions are not to be avoided. They are necessary catalysts for our growth. They call us to express ourselves more clearly. To grow beyond any illusions. For the true nature of reality—the sages and ascended masters have told us throughout the ages—is that love is the ultimate reality, all else is illusion.

"Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings. By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species. If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth. This is the real message of love." -Tich Nhat Hanh

Marriage is a call to work on shedding the illusions together, until nothing is left but the purity of two light beings and their unified field of love. For all that is created in love is eternal. The mystery of the two becoming one is also the mystery of the two becoming three. Your relationship is the field of consciousness where a brand new energy is born. Carrying the unique aspects of woman, and the unique aspects of man, you are both weaving together a new reality of love on earth. You are anchoring one of the most indestructible creative forces onto the earth through your devotion and care for your union.

So tend the field of your relationship, just as you would tend a garden. Be mindful of your words and the energies you exchange with one another each day. When you make a mistake, be humble and courageous to make it right and to continue to learn your divinity in humility. For all of our mistakes are simply learning opportunities, opportunities to shed illusions, opportunities to remember divine truth. Learn until there is nothing left but love within each of you and all around you.

Many blessings on this union and every union on earth this day. May your marriage and every marriage be free of the illusory chains of slavery and illusionary models of co-depentent self-sacrifice. May your marriage be uplifted back to its beautiful expression of divine man and divine woman. May your marriage and every marriage be filled with many years of joy and happiness for the greatest good of all beings.

Medusa Medicine

 
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Present mood: Chance of turning people to stone with one wrong look. Wear shades. Hide in your cave.

I must honor this time. It's so powerful. Women weren't sent away from villages because they were dirty or sinful. It was always because they were powerful and psychic. They overwhelmed the men and children. Women created these sacred gatherings to strengthen their wisdom, share their power, and transform their communites.

I have much still to heal. I can see it on days like these. We are looking at yurts for the backyard, a place I can retreat in solitude for a few days each month. This is the self care I need. It's the self care many women need.

I'm having flash backs to a dark time in 8th grade. Having flash backs through ancient history and feeling the Goddess’ rage at Gilgamesh for cutting down the tree of life. Time traveling. Having flash forwards at the dangers of AI and the disrespect and domination of the earth. Aligning my third eye at the true enemy.

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Rage about the disrespect of life, water, animals, children in a for profit system meant to turn organic matter into garbage. Missing the ancient festivals, leisure and play on earth for humans to learn and grow in joy. Feeling my snake hair. Finding my battle ax. Feeling the demonization and great fall of the Goddess.  Feeling Her disintegrated body beginning its resurrection phase. Holding the shadows of so many lost frightened souls, and still holding my Sovereignty. Mothering many demons back to angels. Aware of my powers to turn men to stone and break hearts. Aware of my mission to cease the wheels of samsara. For every stoney heart, for every knife in the chest, a healed and open heart chakra. First I have to get mine more open. An alchemy of the pain to joy, lead to gold. May it be so. May these wounds shift into their diamond form.

My own sealed tight heart that says: never again will I be hurt like that. Trying to pry it open. That's not the way in. Gentle she says. More gentle. Too gentle. The hard shell must be here. No one gets in this deep. Not safe. Facing impossible fears of marriage ever working out again. Raging on Dumuzi and Zeus for forgetting me when I was in the underworld. For the ages of betrayals, affairs, and neglect. Working on forgiveness. And taking logs out of my eyes so I can see my partner in present time and not the echos of the past. Will my beloved be able to hold all this fire? Will he be able to help me heal? Will I be able to help him? The dream. Healers, heal thyselves. We are trying.

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Still, so much raging on the wandering, floundering, unaccountable immature reckless golden boy-child who still seeks comfort in distraction and dismemberment.  Wondering if he’ll ever grow up to meet the Goddess eye to eye as an honorable divine man. Until then, he cuts me down and gets so damn condescending in his work to sever the chords with his unconscious controlling (wounded) mother (goddess). Yes I'm looking at you Dumuzi. Gilgamesh. Zeus. Posiden. Damn I love your passion. But know the nuances of your force. You're wildly dangerous. And someday you will stear the sun. But first lets learn how not to wipe out anymore planets, OK?

I'm integrating your upgraded form. Retrograde Mars is learning so much. There is so much passion. I'm still not sure I can trust it. I'm afraid of falling farther down. I know it's my sisters who hold the form of the hologram.  It is we who hold ourselves and you. It's time for rising now.

I will not condescend in return. Maybe. I try. Working on compassion and honoring free will of all beings.

Sometimes we allow our bodies to be raped. Sometimes we allow our heads to be cut off. Sometimes we hold the mirror to the monster that is projecting its unconscious pain upon us.

I'm pleading with the Goddess for deep deep healing. Asking Her to hold my partner when I must push him out of the nest to fly on his own, when I must find my center all by myself--he doesn't know the way to my center. No one does. No one but me. Only the High Priestess enters the Holy of Holies. And only with the True King. Who is still remembering. Still learning. Still being tested by the Goddess.

I need no male savior. I push so he doesn't get burned in my wild fire. It's what he loves about me. It's what I love about him.

I know he is strong enough. I've seen it. I know I am strong enough. I feel it. 

A sacred woman doesn’t always smile meek like Mother Mary. Sometimes she carries the sacrificial knife under her robes and must decide what to destroy today. Best to leave her alone lest she decides it's you.

Though you could risk it, show up with roses and red wine and you may just have the time of your life. (Thanks, G <3).   

I'm about to paint my livingwomb red and have another glass of wine.  

Fires of transformation. 

Let them burn.

 

Intermediate Yoga Practice

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Join me for a yoga practice from my backyard sanctary. This practice is not for beginners. Please consult your primary care physician to see if this or any other fitness routine is right for you. Practice at your own risk. Listen to your body and move with your breath in gentle motions, moving towards your growth edge, and moving back to your core. 

This practice includes space clearing, energy work, and channeled music. If you are using and sharing this practice, consider returing an energetic exchange and supporting Taraloma Earth Temple, Jessica and her family by donating to the Temple Treasury. Thank you <3 Namaste

May 15, New Moon Oracle

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On this significant day where the energies of Uranus have moved into Taurus for a season of reckoning, liberation and great healing, I would like to offer this oracle.

An image from a dream that a woman had: this is the god's last stand--the one who's temple is made of armor. I looked and behold there was a god like Thor, the god of war, and his head was replaced by a phallus--a literal dick head. The men who worshiped here were making super soldiers on Mars, turning men into machines, into monsters, into programmable robots. 

Come I said to my sisters, let us restore the gods crown. Let us put back his sacred phallus where it belongs, let us speak to his heart, and they agreed. And we said: We have mended Medusa's head. We have faced and are facing our demons as we went mad apart from our sacred grandmother's traditions, in broken relationships with our mothers, sisters and children, as the sacred women's traditions were stolen from us as our bodies like counties were invaded and raped as our realms of wisdom were eclipsed  from our eyes. But our bodies remember and our hearts are opening again after an age of trauma to say: we forgive you.  Those who hung us, burned us, those who in their fear of us, their fear of survival, those in their own wounding who stole, abused and murdered our children, those who fragmented the sacred web of women, we forgive those who knowingly or unknowingly caused us harm. We also ask for forgiveness for those grievances that we have caused knowingly or unknowingly when in our trauma we wounded your heart.

We remember the great Kings of old and those who pledge to protect the earth, women and children and to defend the sacred. Men of War, Aphrodite is calling to Ares, remember your pledge to fight only for love, to defend the weak, to protect the powerless, to stand in your true dignity again, and to receive the crown of heaven's highest honor of man when you open your armored heart that you may be healed.

We remember the mad gods, we remember the divine men who suffered an age of Set, the dividing one, those men who gave up their crowns of glory to descend into human madness not to condem it, but to have compassion on it that it may be redeemed and healed once and for all.

We remember today those heros who have lost their heads: John the baptist, Ganesh, Saul Absolom, and the hosts of men who have died throughout the ages in honor defending love. To all the headless horsemen who rode with women to the very edges of their madness to the very end of the age, who for love gave everything, even their sanity, and their very bodies: come home my sons your work is done!

May this day you trade your hearts of stone for a heart of love. May you trade the armored temple for the living sanctuary that you are. May the crowns of madmen and medusas be restored to their former glory that all may see and know the power and the glory of the one most high. This day and for all of eternity. May it be so. Amen. Amen. Amen. 

+Jessica Zdenek
High Priestess & Yogini Oracle of the Prairie

Spring Equinox Supplication

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Oh mother divine

Oh void

Oh womb of creation

Goddesses of the Infinite Circle

Take me back to you

A daughter of men

Lost from you

Made to fear your power

Made to fear my power

Medusa medicine

Powers to heal

Powers to destroy

Powers to create new realities

Shake off the nightmares

Of headless women

The ages of trauma

Rattle oh snakes in my head

Speak oh searing tongues

Zeus, I want my lightning back, and my powerful gaze

Athena, my blood please

Circles of sisters

Divine Magdalenes

Order of the Marys and Melchizedeks

Enki

Inanna

Jesus

Sophia

Divine Father

Divine Mother

Divine Creatress, hear my prayer

Divine Seed, rise in me

Source of all Light and Life

Remember me

Restore the sisterhood

Restore the knighthood

Restore your creation

Send us your compassion

And heal the monsters we have become

That your eternal glory may shine in us forevermore

 

+J. Zdenek, Equinox Supplication, 2018

Shower Yoga? ((Don't Try This at Home))

Camel Pose/Heart Chakra Clearing

Camel Pose/Heart Chakra Clearing

As a Taurus girl, I enjoy many simple pleasures. Like sleeping. Eating. Yoga. And showers. I also like to exert as little energy as necessary (since Taurus tends to explode into action when it is necessary) so if I can combine some of my favorite rejuvenating activities into one luxurious experience EVEN BETTER.  I'm sure I'm not the first to do yoga in the shower, nor the last, still I must warn you: this is a professional yoga instructor pictured. (Also a professional shower taker.) So please ask your doctor before doing any yoga in your shower. (No doctor would recommend this.) So it seems we must wait for someone to make a yoga safe shower. (Please someone do it!) In the meantime, I have taken the risks upon myself to develop a personal yoga shower practice that I can only assume is safe for myself. So until someone has developed a yoga safe shower for you and you are able to get your doctor's approval you are welcome to imagine how good it might feel to do yoga in the shower. If you choose to attempt this (which I do NOT recommend!) please assume all risks yourself. Also, in the spirit of being body positive, (and in the spirit of Taurus) this photo shoot was taken right after I ate a big dinner, so enjoy the full belly pix, cuz I did. ***I do recommend waiting 30 minutes after eating to practice yoga!*** <3 Namaste, Jess

Modified Down Dog/Hands on Wall/Spine Lengthening

Modified Down Dog/Hands on Wall/Spine Lengthening

Modified Down Dog/Hands on Tub/Spine Lengthening/Hamstring Stretch

Modified Down Dog/Hands on Tub/Spine Lengthening/Hamstring Stretch

Forward Fold/Hamstrings/Low Back

Forward Fold/Hamstrings/Low Back

Hands and Knees Pose/Hot water on the low back/Stress relief/Eases Soreness/Moves Kundalini&nbsp;

Hands and Knees Pose/Hot water on the low back/Stress relief/Eases Soreness/Moves Kundalini 

Pyramid/Triangle/Hamstrings/Twist/Heart Opener

Pyramid/Triangle/Hamstrings/Twist/Heart Opener

Take time to relax, rest, and ground into your deep center. These are crazy times. Remember who you are. All will be well. &lt;3&nbsp;

Take time to relax, rest, and ground into your deep center. These are crazy times. Remember who you are. All will be well. <3 

Goddess Rising

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I know I'm broken in some fundamental way.
I worry I can't be fixed. 
Broken open is how the light gets in.
Broken like the bread at communion.
Sometimes breaking is necessary and good.
It still hurts like hell.

I have these edges, these thorns around my heart.
I have this on again off again relationship with true love that plays out in my other relationships. For the last year of my marriage I told my ex that I wanted a divorce once a month. This was before I was tracking and making peace with my moon cycle. It seems there was a pattern. As I was still working to heal the effects of childhood trauma and postpartum depression--in winter, as a stay at home mom. As I was searching for that Divine Masculine energy to hold me safe to open more.  But I've never felt safe to open all the way. And so I shut down and push away.  It's not personal. I'm just broken in some fundamental way.

And there are simply underworld days.
For I am a woman.
I know birth, sex, and death mysteries.
I am encoded with the DNA of snake priestesses, Isis, and Magdalene
Who were demonized and feared in my childhood Christianity.

And I have this ancient self-hatred in need of redemption
Which has infected the human body
And polluted the waters of Earth.

"I am the whore and the holy woman." -Sophia

A mother is supposed to be all loving
Still she loses her shit sometimes,
Still she knows how to love her children
And her lovers
All night long.
We are human mothers, remembering how to be divine mothers in a world where the divine feminine was repressed, bought, sold, raped and cut up into pieces.

I love all mankind, for they are my children.
I am the mother of monsters
And still I love all of my children.
Some of us have been wounded.
I am a wounded healer. 
Finding that edge between unconditional sacrificial love
And Stockholm syndrome.

Repudiating a woman was once sport. There were man codes passed around by those who ruled the public square on how to silence women and keep them away from places of power.  Spiritual power once belonged to the Goddess dear Catholic church. In those days, wisdom flowed from the center of cities like milk from a mother's breast.  That was before She fell.

I feel those ancient trauma codes still activated in our DNA
How he knows how to tear her down in every way. 
And how she knows how to awaken in him the King.
And how these were torn asunder.
And how she learned to break his heart
Which he thought he could live without.

I have two big fears: fame and death. Fear of fame leads to this weird self sabotaging I do to not be too successful. Not to shine too much. Not to attract too much attention. Just enough to pay the bills and live in my mom cave. Goddess pushes me to go back to the public square. Walk into redemption.

I feel that flighty wide-eyed deer in me
And I feel marked and jittery in public some days.
I want to live in the caves again some days.
I want to find the sacred guardians who protected the fragile feminine some days. 
I hear Goddess saying: you've not learned your lessons yet if you still believe that you are fragile. 

I don't want to return to the center of the city. I was once reputed there. Hung there. Burned there. I remember. For I am connected to Her body. To women everywhere throughout time. To Sophia, the Divine Mother. Still she says, Come on, this is where we are going.

I'm building bridges
Like Hermes and Dionysus as they flirt
With the opposites
Until humanity discovers again
Sacred Union

Initiations into the power of Spirit are to come.
The tide is turning.
She will speak now. She will return to the center of the city.
Wisdom is rising up from the Earth. 

He loves a wounded feminine, a sexless Mary, because she makes him feel strong, and he is so very insecure. (He doesn't want you to find this out, so prepare to hold onto his shadow and a wild ride.) But this isn't really love. It's safe. He needs you to awaken his soul. It is not as weak as he fears. You must teach him. Just as the Good Shepherd seeks the lost sheep. You are seeking the lost boys, oh Mother Divine.

He knows the codes to publicly humiliate her, to keep her small. She knows the codes to crown him True King of Earth. 

He also fears what he must master: standing his unique sacred ground in the presence of the traumatized/toxic feminine, the overwhelming mother, and the powerful sex goddess.

He must learn, as Zeus did, how to respect the energy of Hecate the wise witch, and the power of her magic, and her heart that defies his logic. He must learn to dance in his power with her in her power.

Sacred masculine. Sacred feminine.

Apollo must learn that dragons are not for slaying.
For the Dragons protect holy places and breathe holy fire.
So when I make my boundaries,
Please respect them.
For I am not a country
To be invaded.
But still he pressed: how can I love what I cannot control?

Then I realize I am simply shedding this ancient hatred of the feminine.
I am shedding the male gaze.
I am shedding the fears the gods had of the goddess that I had mistaken for my own.

I find my way back to the naive little girl who was always worthy of love. Who was not always Medusa, that happened after her rape. Not always an evil manipulating witch as he feared, but a woman who had learned wisdom in the dark places he had never been. 

Still the cosmic rape was allowed. Ordained.
And men looked away. And denied that it was really that bad.
And She fell. 
And in her terror she tore holes in the hologram,
And birthed monsters,
And assisted the darkness in fragmenting the divine.

I regret
I worry
I have panic attacks
I feel trauma invade and rape the present moment with the darkness of the ancient past.
I can Ice Princess for a while.
I love so big, you can't possibly.
Stay away. You'll only hurt me. I'll only hurt you.

For I'm still just a human woman, not fully goddess, so please don't be confused.
I am only made in Her image.
The fantasy may help you with your survival, but I'm not just some fantasy.
And escapism is just another prison of your soul.

I will over-promise and under deliver, every time
As mostly a projection
Mostly muse
Mostly gooey center
Fertile void
Terror Herself.

All the places we dread to go, find us eventually.

So I check them off the list. I can't think of much more to fear now. Just death. Just the transition.

Then what?

Then the lioness.
It's scary to be strong.

It cuts both ways
It's scary to be weak.
And now you must learn to dance dear ones.

My heart is a distant country, to which you've never been.
But our countries are at war.
Though we don't remember why.

I am writing peace treaties.
Still
I have a gift for catalyzing rage.
I didn't understand this until I realized
Aphrodite is married to Ares.

Until I remembered how love flows into the lowest places
Because it's like a river.

These are times of the paradox. The switching of opposites. The embracing of shadow. The reconnection to pain so it can be healed and released in humanity. 

What we do not bring to conscious appears in our life as fate -Jung

Fragile and yet
Lioness
Stubborn
Snake Haired
A Raging Fire with Bull Headed Determination

I'm learning that my fears are liars.
They are not the cages I believed.
Not the graves dug for me.
Rise, she whispers

Receive Persephone's blessing
As she makes her way home
To the center
To Spring
And her Divine Mother
Where you too shall bloom

"Best Practices of Intuitive Work: Rules of Engagement" Monday Meditations

Identifying red flags, creating healthy boundaries, and tips for working with Light Workers.&nbsp;

Identifying red flags, creating healthy boundaries, and tips for working with Light Workers. 

As I began my journey of awakening to the gifts and sensitivities I had, I crossed many taboo thresholds and meandered into murky territory that frightened people close to me and bucked orthodox Christianity. I knew there was something more to our feelings and our imaginations than was being accepted in Sunday School or our science based prove-it-to-me mentality. Still there were good reasons to be wary of mediums. You don't want to mess with a powerful woman who possesses magical abilities.  Trust me on this. 

When I was ready to open deeper I found a mentor who taught me how to engage in this work with integrity and I wanted to pass along some of this wisdom for those navigating this mysterious terrain.  Here are some rules of engagement that I use in my practice with clients:

1. Respect the sovereignty of every being

I learned about this concept when I was studying the Montessori Method for teaching to children.  Humans are not blank slates. Each human has access to an inner teacher (the Holy Spirit/the Self/Higher Self) who guides the soul on their journey of discovery.  Each soul has a unique path, so one size will not fit all. When we respect the inner world of children and of our clients, we are making room for their inner teacher to emerge.  We are also stepping out of a power imbalance that happens with guru/devotee.

It's easy to get caught up in idolizing a guru, teacher, or higher being, but no matter what kinds of gifts someone has, each of us is called to awaken and to look within. Just as we can't continue to export our jobs, so we can't continue to export our religion or spirituality. The inner world of the human being is sacred space and we can't have access to someone's most private reality, nor should we. The soul has a right to a safe container for learning and growing and protecting fragile parts of self until they are ready to emerge in the world.  No matter how wise or powerful another being, as humans we have every right to our sovereignty, freedom and choice. 

I will not ever say to a client that I know something about them that they don't know about themselves.  Instead I will offer my intuitive hits and ask my clients to consider if it resonates for them or not. As sovereign beings we all have free will and personal choice to decide what to believe for ourselves.  I will encourage my clients to check with their guides/intuition if things feel right for them. We can always leave information outside of our space, in a bubble for future consideration.  My goal is to catalyze and awaken your inner teacher so that you can eventually do this work without me.  

2. Opening up only for your highest good and the highest good of all beings

Channeling was a no-no in my Christian circles growing up. Even meditation was frowned upon for if you simply opened your mind, Satan could surely sneak right in! I heard some Christians justify this rational to stay busy all the time and never practice relaxing and opening their mind to peace and the mere presence of mystery, the Holy Spirit or Being itself.  Being open is a yin practice, a feminine state of being that rests and heals and receives guidance from Source. It's the listening aspect of prayer rather than the asking.  As sovereign beings we can declare for ourselves what kinds of energy we are willing to open ourselves up to and what kinds we are not. We can make an intention when we relax or meditate that we are only opening up to receive that which is for our highest good and the highest good of all beings and that will cover us and connect us to our most potent sources of wisdom.  

Everyone's practice of mediation is different.  Some people move into the void, into no-thing, into silence.  Others move into visuals, see beings, travel places, or hear voices or music. Some get inspiration for a work project or creative project or receive downloads of information on questions they ask. 

Just by relaxing and calming the body, we are gaining access to the upstairs brain which opens us up to higher states of being. When we are moving too fast, scared, or triggered, or in survival mode, or have adrenal fatigue we are operating from the downstairs reptilian brain and the fight/flight/fear/freeze responses. This is not the ideal place to live life from--sure it's great when you need to run from a bear, but not everyday should feel like an emergency situation.  However the pace of life in America does a good job to keep us running around as if we are always traumatized. The upstairs brain requires calm and peace. There we can easily find solutions to problems that when frazzled are just simply out of reach. 

3. Honor the human/honor the shadow
Nobody here is perfect. Even the most glittery guru has their issues. Carl Jung said there was much danger in identifying one's ego with beings of light: it creates a really big shadow. Life must be balanced. I've met a few healers who believe that they are a powerful being from history and this is always a red flag for me, for I see that they are here born as a human with a different name in a different time and I wonder about that human and I care for the traumatized ones who reached so deeply for the light when the darkness seemed all consuming.  We all may have access to these higher streams of consciousness (via the Akashic Records), but we are still humans walking this earth.  We are still both animal and divine. We are saved by grace, and still sinners. What is denied in our consciousness grows stronger in the shadows until one day it erupts to restore balance to the game.  All of us light workers would do well to keep our shadows in our sights.  For when I can't see my shadow, I'm most likely to project in on someone else and cause a lot of pain.  If a healer identifies with only the light and believes themselves to be a god--you can bet there is a devil very close by.  And watch out: it might be you! Groups like this tend to demonize and fragment others, as happened throughout history in witch burnings and anathematizing; the opposite must be killed (scape-goated) with the community's shadow.  A long time ago the shadow was the dance parter, the tension is meant to be held, not burned at the stake.

If someone can't admit that they are wrong, watch out. Look for mentors who are up front about their growth edge and personal struggles. People in love with power will not love others very well, and if you're looking for healing, you'll want to find people who can truly love you on this leg of your journey. Remember: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13: 4)  

4. Remember to Play
Ultimately we're very small in the grand scheme of life. Pride can be a good thing when it's rooted in our divine essence and celebrating the goodness of life. But when people want to control the conversation, control how everything pans out, control one view of reality, watch out.  When we've lost the ability to play and be spontaneous in the present moment, then we're running on trauma, not pneuma (spirit).  We come to the table as different but created equal.  May we co-create a joyful reality for the highest good of all beings.

5. Stop and smell the flowers
There are many gifted people in the world we can learn from. Don't put all your eggs in one basket and don't make one teacher your sole source of wisdom. Visit other flowers. There's so much beauty to experience!

I hope these rules of engagement help clear up confusion and boost your confidence to expand your consciousness in a safe and respectful way!

The light in me salutes the light in you.  Have a beautiful week.
Namaste,
Jessica
 

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I'm so excited to share a new service with my clients! I am now offering a 6 month healing program of YogaReiki Therapy. 

If you're ready to change your life in amazing ways, try this proven formula: 1 hour yoga sessions, 3x a week, for 6 months. This alone would transform your health in profound ways. Along with my education, specialization, and experience I offer these additional ingredients: 
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+Meditation instruction
+A confidential compassionate listening ear
+Spiritual Guidance

Is this you?
+You want to begin yoga, but you're nervous about starting in a yoga studio
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+You're interested in practicing meditation to support your overall wellbeing
+You're ready to move past deep blocks physically, emotionally and spiritually
+You suffer from some longer term emotional, physical or spiritual pain that requires a specialist to tailor a yoga practice to suit your individual needs and move at your own pace
+You're ready to see how you can prove your fears wrong and thrive with the support of a mentor, a friend, a cheerleader, and a wellness coach

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Here is what some of my students are saying:

"I have been doing yoga with Jessica since May. At the time I started, I had no idea the impact this amazing, compassionate woman would have on my life. She has helped me move past trauma that had held me in a really critical place for most of my life, and has showed me how to extend grace, love and compassion to myself. I have recently committed to a six month program of yoga 3 times a week. And this has been my peace when life has gotten overwhelming. This is the way that this mama of 4 chooses to self care. After 6 weeks on this regimen I have noticed a huge improvement in my mood, a huge improvement in my flexibility, I'm down 10 pounds and can tell that my body is becoming more toned. And can I just say that I am doing poses I never thought I'd accomplish!?! I am so excited to see the growth that the coming weeks and months will bring." -Andrea

"I want you to know that with your yoga and meditation guidance you've helped me more than any amount of clinical therapy ever has helped me, and that's including medication too. Jessica, you are incredibly gifted and strong and one of the best souls I've ever met. You're an amazing teacher." -Lonna 

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"Clearing & Grounding 11 min Meditation" Monday Meditations

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Yes we need more than just thoughts and prayers, but remember all that is manifest on the earth plane began in the subtle. Thoughts & prayers grow into action. Right action only springs from right concentration. Concentration takes practice. Regular meditation practice can bring you back home to the truth of your being where the problems that overwhelm us become much more manageable. So may we not dismiss the power rooted in the open mind and present body that we may learn how to move undivided within and without, with more strength, with more grace ease and joy, with more together, towards our highest good and the highest good of all beings. 

May all beings be happy and free.  

Love,

Jessica