May 15, New Moon Oracle


On this significant day where the energies of Uranus have moved into Taurus for a season of reckoning, liberation and great healing, I would like to offer this oracle.

An image from a dream that a woman had: this is the god's last stand--the one who's temple is made of armor. I looked and behold there was a god like Thor, the god of war, and his head was replaced by a phallus--a literal dick head. The men who worshiped here were making super soldiers on Mars, turning men into machines, into monsters, into programmable robots. 

Come I said to my sisters, let us restore the gods crown. Let us put back his sacred phallus where it belongs, let us speak to his heart, and they agreed. And we said: We have mended Medusa's head. We have faced and are facing our demons as we went mad apart from our sacred grandmother's traditions, in broken relationships with our mothers, sisters and children, as the sacred women's traditions were stolen from us as our bodies like counties were invaded and raped as our realms of wisdom were eclipsed  from our eyes. But our bodies remember and our hearts are opening again after an age of trauma to say: we forgive you.  Those who hung us, burned us, those who in their fear of us, their fear of survival, those in their own wounding who stole, abused and murdered our children, those who fragmented the sacred web of women, we forgive those who knowingly or unknowingly caused us harm. We also ask for forgiveness for those grievances that we have caused knowingly or unknowingly when in our trauma we wounded your heart.

We remember the great Kings of old and those who pledge to protect the earth, women and children and to defend the sacred. Men of War, Aphrodite is calling to Ares, remember your pledge to fight only for love, to defend the weak, to protect the powerless, to stand in your true dignity again, and to receive the crown of heaven's highest honor of man when you open your armored heart that you may be healed.

We remember the mad gods, we remember the divine men who suffered an age of Set, the dividing one, those men who gave up their crowns of glory to descend into human madness not to condem it, but to have compassion on it that it may be redeemed and healed once and for all.

We remember today those heros who have lost their heads: John the baptist, Ganesh, Saul Absolom, and the hosts of men who have died throughout the ages in honor defending love. To all the headless horsemen who rode with women to the very edges of their madness to the very end of the age, who for love gave everything, even their sanity, and their very bodies: come home my sons your work is done!

May this day you trade your hearts of stone for a heart of love. May you trade the armored temple for the living sanctuary that you are. May the crowns of madmen and medusas be restored to their former glory that all may see and know the power and the glory of the one most high. This day and for all of eternity. May it be so. Amen. Amen. Amen. 

+Jessica Zdenek
High Priestess & Yogini Oracle of the Prairie

Spring Equinox Supplication

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Oh mother divine

Oh void

Oh womb of creation

Goddesses of the Infinite Circle

Take me back to you

A daughter of men

Lost from you

Made to fear your power

Made to fear my power

Medusa medicine

Powers to heal

Powers to destroy

Powers to create new realities

Shake off the nightmares

Of headless women

The ages of trauma

Rattle oh snakes in my head

Speak oh searing tongues

Zeus, I want my lightning back, and my powerful gaze

Athena, my blood please

Circles of sisters

Divine Magdalenes

Order of the Marys and Melchizedeks





Divine Father

Divine Mother

Divine Creatress, hear my prayer

Divine Seed, rise in me

Source of all Light and Life

Remember me

Restore the sisterhood

Restore the knighthood

Restore your creation

Send us your compassion

And heal the monsters we have become

That your eternal glory may shine in us forevermore


+J. Zdenek, Equinox Supplication, 2018

Shower Yoga? ((Don't Try This at Home))

 Camel Pose/Heart Chakra Clearing

Camel Pose/Heart Chakra Clearing

As a Taurus girl, I enjoy many simple pleasures. Like sleeping. Eating. Yoga. And showers. I also like to exert as little energy as necessary (since Taurus tends to explode into action when it is necessary) so if I can combine some of my favorite rejuvenating activities into one luxurious experience EVEN BETTER.  I'm sure I'm not the first to do yoga in the shower, nor the last, still I must warn you: this is a professional yoga instructor pictured. (Also a professional shower taker.) So please ask your doctor before doing any yoga in your shower. (No doctor would recommend this.) So it seems we must wait for someone to make a yoga safe shower. (Please someone do it!) In the meantime, I have taken the risks upon myself to develop a personal yoga shower practice that I can only assume is safe for myself. So until someone has developed a yoga safe shower for you and you are able to get your doctor's approval you are welcome to imagine how good it might feel to do yoga in the shower. If you choose to attempt this (which I do NOT recommend!) please assume all risks yourself. Also, in the spirit of being body positive, (and in the spirit of Taurus) this photo shoot was taken right after I ate a big dinner, so enjoy the full belly pix, cuz I did. ***I do recommend waiting 30 minutes after eating to practice yoga!*** <3 Namaste, Jess

 Modified Down Dog/Hands on Wall/Spine Lengthening

Modified Down Dog/Hands on Wall/Spine Lengthening

 Modified Down Dog/Hands on Tub/Spine Lengthening/Hamstring Stretch

Modified Down Dog/Hands on Tub/Spine Lengthening/Hamstring Stretch

 Forward Fold/Hamstrings/Low Back

Forward Fold/Hamstrings/Low Back

 Hands and Knees Pose/Hot water on the low back/Stress relief/Eases Soreness/Moves Kundalini&nbsp;

Hands and Knees Pose/Hot water on the low back/Stress relief/Eases Soreness/Moves Kundalini 

 Pyramid/Triangle/Hamstrings/Twist/Heart Opener

Pyramid/Triangle/Hamstrings/Twist/Heart Opener

 Take time to relax, rest, and ground into your deep center. These are crazy times. Remember who you are. All will be well. &lt;3&nbsp;

Take time to relax, rest, and ground into your deep center. These are crazy times. Remember who you are. All will be well. <3 

Goddess Rising


I know I'm broken in some fundamental way.
I worry I can't be fixed. 
Broken open is how the light gets in.
Broken like the bread at communion.
Sometimes breaking is necessary and good.
It still hurts like hell.

I have these edges, these thorns around my heart.
I have this on again off again relationship with true love that plays out in my other relationships. For the last year of my marriage I told my ex that I wanted a divorce once a month. This was before I was tracking and making peace with my moon cycle. It seems there was a pattern. As I was still working to heal the effects of childhood trauma and postpartum depression--in winter, as a stay at home mom. As I was searching for that Divine Masculine energy to hold me safe to open more.  But I've never felt safe to open all the way. And so I shut down and push away.  It's not personal. I'm just broken in some fundamental way.

And there are simply underworld days.
For I am a woman.
I know birth, sex, and death mysteries.
I am encoded with the DNA of snake priestesses, Isis, and Magdalene
Who were demonized and feared in my childhood Christianity.

And I have this ancient self-hatred in need of redemption
Which has infected the human body
And polluted the waters of Earth.

"I am the whore and the holy woman." -Sophia

A mother is supposed to be all loving
Still she loses her shit sometimes,
Still she knows how to love her children
And her lovers
All night long.
We are human mothers, remembering how to be divine mothers in a world where the divine feminine was repressed, bought, sold, raped and cut up into pieces.

I love all mankind, for they are my children.
I am the mother of monsters
And still I love all of my children.
Some of us have been wounded.
I am a wounded healer. 
Finding that edge between unconditional sacrificial love
And Stockholm syndrome.

Repudiating a woman was once sport. There were man codes passed around by those who ruled the public square on how to silence women and keep them away from places of power.  Spiritual power once belonged to the Goddess dear Catholic church. In those days, wisdom flowed from the center of cities like milk from a mother's breast.  That was before She fell.

I feel those ancient trauma codes still activated in our DNA
How he knows how to tear her down in every way. 
And how she knows how to awaken in him the King.
And how these were torn asunder.
And how she learned to break his heart
Which he thought he could live without.

I have two big fears: fame and death. Fear of fame leads to this weird self sabotaging I do to not be too successful. Not to shine too much. Not to attract too much attention. Just enough to pay the bills and live in my mom cave. Goddess pushes me to go back to the public square. Walk into redemption.

I feel that flighty wide-eyed deer in me
And I feel marked and jittery in public some days.
I want to live in the caves again some days.
I want to find the sacred guardians who protected the fragile feminine some days. 
I hear Goddess saying: you've not learned your lessons yet if you still believe that you are fragile. 

I don't want to return to the center of the city. I was once reputed there. Hung there. Burned there. I remember. For I am connected to Her body. To women everywhere throughout time. To Sophia, the Divine Mother. Still she says, Come on, this is where we are going.

I'm building bridges
Like Hermes and Dionysus as they flirt
With the opposites
Until humanity discovers again
Sacred Union

Initiations into the power of Spirit are to come.
The tide is turning.
She will speak now. She will return to the center of the city.
Wisdom is rising up from the Earth. 

He loves a wounded feminine, a sexless Mary, because she makes him feel strong, and he is so very insecure. (He doesn't want you to find this out, so prepare to hold onto his shadow and a wild ride.) But this isn't really love. It's safe. He needs you to awaken his soul. It is not as weak as he fears. You must teach him. Just as the Good Shepherd seeks the lost sheep. You are seeking the lost boys, oh Mother Divine.

He knows the codes to publicly humiliate her, to keep her small. She knows the codes to crown him True King of Earth. 

He also fears what he must master: standing his unique sacred ground in the presence of the traumatized/toxic feminine, the overwhelming mother, and the powerful sex goddess.

He must learn, as Zeus did, how to respect the energy of Hecate the wise witch, and the power of her magic, and her heart that defies his logic. He must learn to dance in his power with her in her power.

Sacred masculine. Sacred feminine.

Apollo must learn that dragons are not for slaying.
For the Dragons protect holy places and breathe holy fire.
So when I make my boundaries,
Please respect them.
For I am not a country
To be invaded.
But still he pressed: how can I love what I cannot control?

Then I realize I am simply shedding this ancient hatred of the feminine.
I am shedding the male gaze.
I am shedding the fears the gods had of the goddess that I had mistaken for my own.

I find my way back to the naive little girl who was always worthy of love. Who was not always Medusa, that happened after her rape. Not always an evil manipulating witch as he feared, but a woman who had learned wisdom in the dark places he had never been. 

Still the cosmic rape was allowed. Ordained.
And men looked away. And denied that it was really that bad.
And She fell. 
And in her terror she tore holes in the hologram,
And birthed monsters,
And assisted the darkness in fragmenting the divine.

I regret
I worry
I have panic attacks
I feel trauma invade and rape the present moment with the darkness of the ancient past.
I can Ice Princess for a while.
I love so big, you can't possibly.
Stay away. You'll only hurt me. I'll only hurt you.

For I'm still just a human woman, not fully goddess, so please don't be confused.
I am only made in Her image.
The fantasy may help you with your survival, but I'm not just some fantasy.
And escapism is just another prison of your soul.

I will over-promise and under deliver, every time
As mostly a projection
Mostly muse
Mostly gooey center
Fertile void
Terror Herself.

All the places we dread to go, find us eventually.

So I check them off the list. I can't think of much more to fear now. Just death. Just the transition.

Then what?

Then the lioness.
It's scary to be strong.

It cuts both ways
It's scary to be weak.
And now you must learn to dance dear ones.

My heart is a distant country, to which you've never been.
But our countries are at war.
Though we don't remember why.

I am writing peace treaties.
I have a gift for catalyzing rage.
I didn't understand this until I realized
Aphrodite is married to Ares.

Until I remembered how love flows into the lowest places
Because it's like a river.

These are times of the paradox. The switching of opposites. The embracing of shadow. The reconnection to pain so it can be healed and released in humanity. 

What we do not bring to conscious appears in our life as fate -Jung

Fragile and yet
Snake Haired
A Raging Fire with Bull Headed Determination

I'm learning that my fears are liars.
They are not the cages I believed.
Not the graves dug for me.
Rise, she whispers

Receive Persephone's blessing
As she makes her way home
To the center
To Spring
And her Divine Mother
Where you too shall bloom

"Best Practices of Intuitive Work: Rules of Engagement" Monday Meditations

  Identifying red flags, creating healthy boundaries, and tips for working with Light Workers.&nbsp;

Identifying red flags, creating healthy boundaries, and tips for working with Light Workers. 

As I began my journey of awakening to the gifts and sensitivities I had, I crossed many taboo thresholds and meandered into murky territory that frightened people close to me and bucked orthodox Christianity. I knew there was something more to our feelings and our imaginations than was being accepted in Sunday School or our science based prove-it-to-me mentality. Still there were good reasons to be wary of mediums. You don't want to mess with a powerful woman who possesses magical abilities.  Trust me on this. 

When I was ready to open deeper I found a mentor who taught me how to engage in this work with integrity and I wanted to pass along some of this wisdom for those navigating this mysterious terrain.  Here are some rules of engagement that I use in my practice with clients:

1. Respect the sovereignty of every being

I learned about this concept when I was studying the Montessori Method for teaching to children.  Humans are not blank slates. Each human has access to an inner teacher (the Holy Spirit/the Self/Higher Self) who guides the soul on their journey of discovery.  Each soul has a unique path, so one size will not fit all. When we respect the inner world of children and of our clients, we are making room for their inner teacher to emerge.  We are also stepping out of a power imbalance that happens with guru/devotee.

It's easy to get caught up in idolizing a guru, teacher, or higher being, but no matter what kinds of gifts someone has, each of us is called to awaken and to look within. Just as we can't continue to export our jobs, so we can't continue to export our religion or spirituality. The inner world of the human being is sacred space and we can't have access to someone's most private reality, nor should we. The soul has a right to a safe container for learning and growing and protecting fragile parts of self until they are ready to emerge in the world.  No matter how wise or powerful another being, as humans we have every right to our sovereignty, freedom and choice. 

I will not ever say to a client that I know something about them that they don't know about themselves.  Instead I will offer my intuitive hits and ask my clients to consider if it resonates for them or not. As sovereign beings we all have free will and personal choice to decide what to believe for ourselves.  I will encourage my clients to check with their guides/intuition if things feel right for them. We can always leave information outside of our space, in a bubble for future consideration.  My goal is to catalyze and awaken your inner teacher so that you can eventually do this work without me.  

2. Opening up only for your highest good and the highest good of all beings

Channeling was a no-no in my Christian circles growing up. Even meditation was frowned upon for if you simply opened your mind, Satan could surely sneak right in! I heard some Christians justify this rational to stay busy all the time and never practice relaxing and opening their mind to peace and the mere presence of mystery, the Holy Spirit or Being itself.  Being open is a yin practice, a feminine state of being that rests and heals and receives guidance from Source. It's the listening aspect of prayer rather than the asking.  As sovereign beings we can declare for ourselves what kinds of energy we are willing to open ourselves up to and what kinds we are not. We can make an intention when we relax or meditate that we are only opening up to receive that which is for our highest good and the highest good of all beings and that will cover us and connect us to our most potent sources of wisdom.  

Everyone's practice of mediation is different.  Some people move into the void, into no-thing, into silence.  Others move into visuals, see beings, travel places, or hear voices or music. Some get inspiration for a work project or creative project or receive downloads of information on questions they ask. 

Just by relaxing and calming the body, we are gaining access to the upstairs brain which opens us up to higher states of being. When we are moving too fast, scared, or triggered, or in survival mode, or have adrenal fatigue we are operating from the downstairs reptilian brain and the fight/flight/fear/freeze responses. This is not the ideal place to live life from--sure it's great when you need to run from a bear, but not everyday should feel like an emergency situation.  However the pace of life in America does a good job to keep us running around as if we are always traumatized. The upstairs brain requires calm and peace. There we can easily find solutions to problems that when frazzled are just simply out of reach. 

3. Honor the human/honor the shadow
Nobody here is perfect. Even the most glittery guru has their issues. Carl Jung said there was much danger in identifying one's ego with beings of light: it creates a really big shadow. Life must be balanced. I've met a few healers who believe that they are a powerful being from history and this is always a red flag for me, for I see that they are here born as a human with a different name in a different time and I wonder about that human and I care for the traumatized ones who reached so deeply for the light when the darkness seemed all consuming.  We all may have access to these higher streams of consciousness (via the Akashic Records), but we are still humans walking this earth.  We are still both animal and divine. We are saved by grace, and still sinners. What is denied in our consciousness grows stronger in the shadows until one day it erupts to restore balance to the game.  All of us light workers would do well to keep our shadows in our sights.  For when I can't see my shadow, I'm most likely to project in on someone else and cause a lot of pain.  If a healer identifies with only the light and believes themselves to be a god--you can bet there is a devil very close by.  And watch out: it might be you! Groups like this tend to demonize and fragment others, as happened throughout history in witch burnings and anathematizing; the opposite must be killed (scape-goated) with the community's shadow.  A long time ago the shadow was the dance parter, the tension is meant to be held, not burned at the stake.

If someone can't admit that they are wrong, watch out. Look for mentors who are up front about their growth edge and personal struggles. People in love with power will not love others very well, and if you're looking for healing, you'll want to find people who can truly love you on this leg of your journey. Remember: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13: 4)  

4. Remember to Play
Ultimately we're very small in the grand scheme of life. Pride can be a good thing when it's rooted in our divine essence and celebrating the goodness of life. But when people want to control the conversation, control how everything pans out, control one view of reality, watch out.  When we've lost the ability to play and be spontaneous in the present moment, then we're running on trauma, not pneuma (spirit).  We come to the table as different but created equal.  May we co-create a joyful reality for the highest good of all beings.

5. Stop and smell the flowers
There are many gifted people in the world we can learn from. Don't put all your eggs in one basket and don't make one teacher your sole source of wisdom. Visit other flowers. There's so much beauty to experience!

I hope these rules of engagement help clear up confusion and boost your confidence to expand your consciousness in a safe and respectful way!

The light in me salutes the light in you.  Have a beautiful week.

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I'm so excited to share a new service with my clients! I am now offering a 6 month healing program of YogaReiki Therapy. 

If you're ready to change your life in amazing ways, try this proven formula: 1 hour yoga sessions, 3x a week, for 6 months. This alone would transform your health in profound ways. Along with my education, specialization, and experience I offer these additional ingredients: 
+Personalized yoga instruction for your unique body type
+Clients receive Reiki (light healing) each session
+Be pampered with essential oils
+Meditation instruction
+A confidential compassionate listening ear
+Spiritual Guidance

Is this you?
+You want to begin yoga, but you're nervous about starting in a yoga studio
+You want to feel more alive, revitalized, focused and passionate about your life
+You want to feel good in your body again, no matter how old you are, or what you've been through
+You're interested in practicing meditation to support your overall wellbeing
+You're ready to move past deep blocks physically, emotionally and spiritually
+You suffer from some longer term emotional, physical or spiritual pain that requires a specialist to tailor a yoga practice to suit your individual needs and move at your own pace
+You're ready to see how you can prove your fears wrong and thrive with the support of a mentor, a friend, a cheerleader, and a wellness coach


Here is what some of my students are saying:

"I have been doing yoga with Jessica since May. At the time I started, I had no idea the impact this amazing, compassionate woman would have on my life. She has helped me move past trauma that had held me in a really critical place for most of my life, and has showed me how to extend grace, love and compassion to myself. I have recently committed to a six month program of yoga 3 times a week. And this has been my peace when life has gotten overwhelming. This is the way that this mama of 4 chooses to self care. After 6 weeks on this regimen I have noticed a huge improvement in my mood, a huge improvement in my flexibility, I'm down 10 pounds and can tell that my body is becoming more toned. And can I just say that I am doing poses I never thought I'd accomplish!?! I am so excited to see the growth that the coming weeks and months will bring." -Andrea

"I want you to know that with your yoga and meditation guidance you've helped me more than any amount of clinical therapy ever has helped me, and that's including medication too. Jessica, you are incredibly gifted and strong and one of the best souls I've ever met. You're an amazing teacher." -Lonna 

Spaces are limited so sign up to start your healing YogaReiki therapy today!  Reserve your spot by purchasing your first month today

"Clearing & Grounding 11 min Meditation" Monday Meditations

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Yes we need more than just thoughts and prayers, but remember all that is manifest on the earth plane began in the subtle. Thoughts & prayers grow into action. Right action only springs from right concentration. Concentration takes practice. Regular meditation practice can bring you back home to the truth of your being where the problems that overwhelm us become much more manageable. So may we not dismiss the power rooted in the open mind and present body that we may learn how to move undivided within and without, with more strength, with more grace ease and joy, with more together, towards our highest good and the highest good of all beings. 

May all beings be happy and free.  



"Detoxing God" Monday Meditations

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Yesterday Lutherans all over the world celebrated 500 years since Martin Luther nailed his 95 thesis to the door of the Catholic Church. His voice rocked the church and began a cascade of reform in the church. As a descendant of Lutherans and Lutheran ministers, and as a woman reclaiming my voice and spiritual power that comes from within, as a priestess and ambassador of the Divine Feminine, I stand with the ancient sisterhood of priestesses and in the spiritual lineage of sacred women including Magdalene, Mary, Medusa, Aphrodite, Isis, Inanna, Sophia, and all the women who have been silenced, hung, burned and persecuted under an age of patriarchy--we are here today in spirit and flesh nailing a new reform to the church doors. Is the church now ready for a reformation birthed by the Divine Feminine? We are awaiting our crown's restoration that our collective madness may be healed, that sacred imagination may once again help us co-create God's full-inclusive kingdom on earth.  

As a sister, mother, daughter and friend, I offer my memoir as a voice for continued reform in the church half a millennia later.  I hope you enjoy this reading of the introduction of my book.  I will continue to post readings until I have narrated the entire book, so stay tuned!

Detoxing God is available on Amazon, and also on CreateSpace where I receive more per book if you please.  Thank you for supporting this conversation and work on healing sexual and spiritual abuse.

Blessing on these upcoming sacred days. All Holy Eve. All Saints. All Souls.  As the ancestors draw near, may we make amends, may we press on and continue to walk in the way of love until the good work is accomplished.  May all beings be happy and free. 


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"Everything Returns to its Root" Monday Meditations

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Earlier in the week this little melody and lyrics came to me:

Mary Magdalene tell us again what the Savior said.
Everything returns, she said, to to the root.
All that is divine, she said, will return home.
Do not fear, I am always with you,
Do not fear, I am always with you,
Till the end of the age.

I had been preparing a teaching on mantras when I realized Mary Magdalene's message (which appears in her Gospel) echoes spiritual teachings found in yoga philosophy.  Some believe Mary Magdalene went on to become a yogini who lived in a cave developing her magical powers and communing with the angels (with long hair covering her body) when she escaped to France.

In many spiritual traditions there is a notion that humanity fell from a state of grace. In yoga circles I have heard this fall referred to as the Kali Yuga, a time when evil runs the show and the good are not rewarded. I often wonder, how much farther will we fall before we return to grace?  May it not be much farther.

I have read that the sages understood that creation would be fragmented and then one day, regathered and made new. For now, the wheat grows with the chaff. Great spiritual teachers worked to give humanity some tools for getting through this time. As the breaking continues, may we trust that what once was scattered shall be gathered back into one. 

The practice of mantra was the science of discovering the smallest sacred sounds that could not be broken down any farther. By practicing mantras we connect back to the grid of our former wholeness. I sing to put myself back together. I think we've all felt a song bring us back home to our soul. May we each hear the sound the universe makes expressing itself as us. 


The Bible says, "Fear not" 365 times, that's a reminder for every day of the year. While the news media and society continues to pressure us to worry and fear, we can resist by returning to that which is unbreakable, that which will survive all that has been broken, we can return to the root of our divine nature and remember who we are and where we come from, and know we shall return to the love that brought us here to be an expression of that love on earth at a time when it is most needed.

May we each find that unbreakable root within. May the pillars of the earth rise again. May peace prevail. May love find a way.

 The light in me salutes the light in you, namaste, namaste. &lt;3 Jessica

The light in me salutes the light in you, namaste, namaste.
<3 Jessica

Join me October 28 from 9-11 am for a workshop on Shadow Self-Integration. We will be exploring Carl Jung's ideas of the shadow and how to build bridges with unconscious aspects of ourselves through dreams, active imagination, and myths.  Space is limited. Register here.

"Healing Trauma with Yoga & Fairytales" Monday Meditations

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Waking up this morning to hear the news of yet another shooting, I felt all those old padlocks shutting down my heart center. It hurts to feel so much pain, and there seems to be so much in our world today, almost too much to bear somedays. Many of us turn to anger before sadness. Or we just cut off a connection to our feelings all together. Those feelings don't just shut off though. They get lodged in our bodies, in our energy and if left unresolved can cause all kinds of sickness. 

I have been working on trauma recovery for many years. It is a constant practice. One that brought me to yoga. When I first began practicing I would literally cry as I stretched out my hips.  Not because of the physical pain, but because of all the emotional pain that had been lodged there over the years.  It takes time and intention and mindful breathing and moving for us to recognize and release trauma from our bodies. 

When old trauma resurfaces I feel cut off from the center of my being. I start to panic trying to get back in. But trauma has its own architecture, laws, codes and keys. I used to spend years locked out of myself. In some ways recovering myself is still an on-going practice. There is always so much more for us to discover about who we really are and how resilient we can be.

Now I have learned many practices to help me get back to my center more quickly. When I'm in trauma mode, I can't access all parts of me. I am stuck in an identification with a wounded part of myself--usually a younger version of myself. When things got bad, I used to erupt in a lot of anger and self hatred at this younger version of myself who couldn't figure out how to get back home to the center of her being.  I'm grateful to have learned many ways to unlock this old trauma pattern and if this can help even just one other person, I would be so happy to share what I've learned.

I once saw Donald Kalsched give a talk in Chicago on his book, The Inner World of Trauma, Archetypal Defenses of the Human Spirit.  I was so inspired by this man's work. He seemed to understand my innerworld in a way that no one else did. I read his book many times and I continue to return to it in my own healing journey. At the talk he said that the cutting edge of this field of work was to take these teachings and integrate them with other embodied healing arts such as body movement and yoga. My heart felt ablaze and I knew this was to be my path.  

On October 13-14 I'm excited to offer my first workshop on this material in Pipestone, MN at a sacred place dedicated to peace.  I will be sharing some of Kalsched's ideas on how we may use fairytales to understand our innerworld better.  I'll also be offering yoga and meditation practices that are essential and beneficial for healing trauma.  If you are a counselor or recovering from PTSD and looking for some more tools in your tool box, this retreat will offer you new ideas, healing practices, and sacred space to rest and connect with your center and help others when they are triggered to get back to theirs. 

May we all find courage and resilience in the face of whatever traumas affect our lives. May we press deeper into love for ourselves and others that all beings may be happy and free. 

May beauty and joy grace your week,

Click here to save your spot. Registration closes this Friday. 

 Enjoy Pipestone National Monument and feel the energy of this sacred Native American site dedicated to peace.

Enjoy Pipestone National Monument and feel the energy of this sacred Native American site dedicated to peace.

"Persephone's Descent" Monday Meditations

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A gift from Aphrodite today, a peace offering, an invitation to all that is dead in us, or soon shall be.

The Goddess of Love wants it known that she has a fierce side. She demands careful attention to every detail. You must learn the lessons of love well, she insists. You cannot simply say it or fantasize about it. You must incarnate it. You must learn the consequences of your actions. See how your energy is mirrored back to you. You are responsible for what you are creating. You cannot force someone else to create or change for you.  All you can do is look within and learn how to love better. Come to me all who are weary. I will challenge you with impossible tasks. You will find you cannot possibly complete them. You will feel you will never be able learn these lessons. And then--right there--when you are nailed, then you will see. You will find the help you need to succeed when you finally surrender to love. 

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Aphrodite is not all candle light and rose petals.  She is green-eyed in the presence of Persephone's ever youthful beauty.  She tortures young Psyche who wishes to marry an immortal, Eros, Aphrodite's son. The Goddess of Love sends Psyche on impossible missions; she sends her to steal the Goddess of the Underworld's beauty elixir and return it to her. Aphrodite in her shadow state, encourages those mortals who long for eternal love to go and steal beauty from the underworld for it.

Aphrodite is married to Ares, not the chill bearded dude with the man bun, but the God of War, and things have been a little dicey lately.  What once was a dance, a tease, an energy exchange, fell flat from the high octane sacred order into three dimensional time, a place where Aphrodite's mysteries have been shamed out of religion, a place where her holy daughter Harmony and her inspiring frequencies are not as well known as her other sons: Phobos and Demos. 

The target of war has become ourselves, our children, our neighbors, and our planet.  The true Holy War is a tension in opposites held with compassion. When that tension is held in fierce love, it opens up a third; Wisdom's Womb is seeded and love is born again.

For humans, learning has become traumatic. The hate machine hopes you will hate back and repeat the cycles trauma. But if enough of us learn to how to truly love, to receive love, to have love for all parts of ourselves and all parts of creation, to love even our enemies and pray for those who hurt us, what then?

Many miracles my friends. 

I had forgotten how my mood is so connected to the light. And since we turned past the fall equinox, past the balance of dark and light, now there will be more darkness every day until the winter solstice. I realized today how I was resisting this descent. I forgot how Hades was pulling up in his black mustang to pick up Persephone and they were going to grab a coffee before making their annual descent to the Underworld. Still my body resists. I grasp for so many illusions and so many attachments.


Woodpecker visits me today after I set the altar anew. I thought about those Altar Guild women and how sacred and ancient of a practice this is. I thought about how setting the altar was as close as women could get to the holy of holies which was guarded by men in skirts who deemed life-giving menstrual blood too unholy for a woman to touch the chalice that represents her own sacred life-giving power.  I thought about how it is only the female energy line in the fibonacci sequence that crosses The Void. I thought about the sacred geometry of the womb and I wondered how we ever believed we were not closer to the divine, how we ever forgot that we came here to initiate the masculine, to transform the martian mind to heart-centered man, as we invited them ever closer to the heart of our Beloved that always dwelled in our bodies in a very special way. Oh how some have resisted and twisted this love!

Woodpecker gives me a message: open to new possibilities. Make your home in your roots, Remember your deep long ago dream that you have almost forgotten. Where did your bliss go? Listen to the rhythm of your soul. Walk to the beat of your own drum. Open, open, open. Let go, let go, it's ok to let go.

I am learning. Dying is just like giving birth.  Soon we will be crossing The Sacred Void.  Sisters, Mothers, Grandmothers take hands. Link hearts and crowns. Thy will be done, on Earth as in Heaven. 

Birch Tree says: humanity, oh humanity, remember those moments of sheer joy before the opposite terror presented itself. The joy is just as real as the nightmare. Why do you spin so many horrors? Open, open, open your imaginations to infinite divine possibility.

It is true that Wisdom fell from heaven and became mad on earth. She was kicked out of the cities of men. She was sold and prostituted among the powerful. Her divinity was thrown out with the beggar's trash. Her golden tendrils that once softened men's hearts became like rattling snakes. Her sweet chest that once made men worship God in the bedroom, became locked away behind her slumped and grieving shoulders. Her frame has been bent so low as if she is moving to spiral to safety, creating a hard shell as she knew how to do so long ago, as she learned with Aphrodite in the sea making pearls. 


But you have been called to rise not to go back. You are called to noble, sacred, passionate love. Remember that you do not truly hate this tender part of yourselves that wants to hide behind the toughest shell. Your innocence is not lost. Your salvation yet awaits. The doorways of pain are the labors of love. Come. Come closer to that which you deny within. Come and listen to the leaves and what they have to say about the messages on the wind.

I pull cards for the altar. Tarot says: Stop clinging to external security. Rise up and see how there is an abundance that flows to you and through you, enough to share with all parts of self, with all in need.

Peace be with you.

Let us pray.

May the sisters who once fragmented and fought and competed and divided return to the sacred circle of love and reconciliation that we create when we join one another in harmony with the Divine Cosmos. 

We ask the Source of all Creation, and sacred sowers of light and love to knit us together in one accord, all those who join us in this holy imaginal space, now or in any future or past time, create among us a sacred circle that we may remember how we are one as we were in the beginning and shall be evermore. Dear Ancestors, Saints and Holy Mothers, Gaia, assist us in our connection to the Beloved. Help us harmonize with the Sacred Earth, her wisdom, to her loving presence.  Ancient helpers and wise teachers of the law of love and unity, lead us to the heart of the Sacred Cosmos again, come and walk among us as in days of old.  Heal our bodies. Direct our minds. Open our hearts. Inspire us dear Muses! I ask for this or better, for the greatest good of all.

Goddess, some call you, Shekinah, Sophia, Isis, Mary, Holy Creatrix of the Void, the Consort of God, Demon Slayer, The Essence of Time, Holy Mother of Jesus, Keeper of the Keys to Resurrection and Life. How can we, who are reflections of you, be of assistance in transforming our world? What shall we create together for the highest good of ourselves and all beings everywhere?

Listen deeply to Divine Wisdom flowing to you now. What does the divine union of Source and Wisdom wish to birth through you? What do you see, feel, and hear? 

* * *  *  * * *

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Blessed be. We ask for this or better for the greatest good of all. So let it be, as above, so below, as within, so without. May all beings everywhere be happy and free! May Christ-Consciousness, Divine Love, Infinite Source, Heart-Centered Guardians, Ascended Masters, Guardians of Earth, Guardians of the Heavens, Saints who have gone before us, all those working for humanity's highest good and the highest good of all creation, help us. We ask you to assist us in casting off our sin, assist us in our mending, assist us in our awakening, assist us in our resurrection, assist us in our ascension. Blessed be.

"And may the human psyche learn how she becomes immortal.  May humanity learn to die before they die," the Magdalene chimes in.  

Persephone knows: What falls will rise again. The end is merely a new beginning.

Have a beautiful adventurous week participating in the rebirth of love on earth <3

 Join Grant and I in Pipestone Oct 13-14.&nbsp; We're planning to stay at an historic (haunted!) hotel on Friday the 13. I will be offering teachings on healing trauma through yoga and fairytales and participants will be able to visit this powerful sacred land dedicated to peace on earth. Learn more &amp;&nbsp; Register here.

Join Grant and I in Pipestone Oct 13-14.  We're planning to stay at an historic (haunted!) hotel on Friday the 13. I will be offering teachings on healing trauma through yoga and fairytales and participants will be able to visit this powerful sacred land dedicated to peace on earth. Learn more & Register here.

The light in me salutes the light in you,
Namaste, namaste,

 Jessica Zdenek is the High Priestess of Taraloma Earth Temple, a Yogini in Residence at Blue Lotus Studio, in Moorhead, MN.&nbsp;She offers group and private yoga lessons, prenatal yoga, healing sessions, on-line yoga videos &amp; classes, Reike, sound healing,&nbsp;guided relaxations, meditation instruction, dream interpretations, tarot readings, energy clearings, intuitive readings,&nbsp;workshops, music events, and other things that strike her fancy.&nbsp;She is also available to speak and preach. Jessica has a Masters of Arts in Theology from Fuller Seminary, a Bachelors in Psychology from St. Olaf College, she is a certified yoga instructor,&nbsp;Dove Oracle Priestess, and Nikki-The-Know-It-All-From-North-Dakota, dontcha know.

Jessica Zdenek is the High Priestess of Taraloma Earth Temple, a Yogini in Residence at Blue Lotus Studio, in Moorhead, MN. She offers group and private yoga lessons, prenatal yoga, healing sessions, on-line yoga videos & classes, Reike, sound healing, guided relaxations, meditation instruction, dream interpretations, tarot readings, energy clearings, intuitive readings, workshops, music events, and other things that strike her fancy. She is also available to speak and preach. Jessica has a Masters of Arts in Theology from Fuller Seminary, a Bachelors in Psychology from St. Olaf College, she is a certified yoga instructor, Dove Oracle Priestess, and Nikki-The-Know-It-All-From-North-Dakota, dontcha know.

Sutra of Ayra-Tara

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Sutra of Ayra-Tara vs. 1, 2, 4, 5 & 8

Homage to the Three Jewels
Homage to Venerable Tara!

Having reached this gem-like paradise, 
Understand actions and their results:
Keep to good and leave evil aside!
For whoever practices wrong actions
Will, in the life that is to come, fall down.

Beasts are dumb and stupid; one eats another;
Up weary paths, down cliffs, they climb and fall,
In panic, terror-stricken, trembling with fear,
Full of caution--one cannot conceive their sufferings.

Sentient beings who are born in hells
Are led against their wills by vicious Yamas,
Burned and cooked and cut up with sharp weapons; 
Their suffering, hot or cold, cannot be borne.

Therefore, doing wrong deeds in this life
Manifests to oneself, magnified--
For many eons, fierce sorrow torments one
With no time to escape, nor chance to bear it.

But though happy themselves aid all migrators,
Greed, hate, delusion gone, root of compassion
Firm, and striving with three doors pure do virtue,
Strive in this essence of the most profound.

Yoga Basics Workshop this Saturday September 23, 8-11 a.m.

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  • Introduction to Yoga as a way of life
  • Instruction on basic yoga postures and how to modify for your body
  • Experience a gentle yoga practice
  • Great for beginners or those who want to solidify their yoga foundation
  • Instructor has over 16 years as a practitioner of yoga, and four years of teaching
    Space is limited!!
    Register for this and other upcoming workshops here.

Fall Yoga Retreat: Healing Trauma through Yoga & Fairytales in Pipestone, MN on Sacred Land

 Visit the historic town of Pipestone, MN and experience the sacred peaceful grounds of Pipestone National Monument. On this land dedicated to peace and integration of all people we will explore healing trauma through yoga based on the books, Overcoming Trauma through Yoga-Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper, Phd, the IRest Program for Healing PTSD by Richard C. Miller, and Donald Kalsched's book, The Inner World Of Trauma, Archetypal Defenses of the Personal Spirit. &nbsp;To get the most out of this experience, I would recommend purchasing the books!&nbsp;  Our experience will begin at 4 p.m. Friday October 13 and run through dinner Saturday. &nbsp;Our days will include learning about the nature of trauma through fairytales, mapping our own personal and ancestral wounds and prospectively our personal and collective dharma, practicing gentle Healing Yoga and Restorative Yoga, visiting the Sacred Native American land at Pipestone National Monument. &nbsp;You are invited to stay overnight in a historic (rumored haunted) hotel on Friday the 13th! You will also experience healing music, a peace making ceremony, meditations, natural beauty, intriguing mystery, and a deeper level of understanding your inner world and self-care practices. &nbsp;Please make a downpayment to reserve your place. More information to come soon!

Visit the historic town of Pipestone, MN and experience the sacred peaceful grounds of Pipestone National Monument. On this land dedicated to peace and integration of all people we will explore healing trauma through yoga based on the books, Overcoming Trauma through Yoga-Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper, Phd, the IRest Program for Healing PTSD by Richard C. Miller, and Donald Kalsched's book, The Inner World Of Trauma, Archetypal Defenses of the Personal Spirit.  To get the most out of this experience, I would recommend purchasing the books! 

Our experience will begin at 4 p.m. Friday October 13 and run through dinner Saturday.  Our days will include learning about the nature of trauma through fairytales, mapping our own personal and ancestral wounds and prospectively our personal and collective dharma, practicing gentle Healing Yoga and Restorative Yoga, visiting the Sacred Native American land at Pipestone National Monument.  You are invited to stay overnight in a historic (rumored haunted) hotel on Friday the 13th! You will also experience healing music, a peace making ceremony, meditations, natural beauty, intriguing mystery, and a deeper level of understanding your inner world and self-care practices.  Please make a downpayment to reserve your place. More information to come soon!

May all beings everywhere be now happy and free!
The light in me salutes the light in you, namaste, namaste <3

"I am a part of all that is" Monday Meditations

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When the world feels overwhelming, I pray. When I feel small compared to the size of the problems that surround me, I pray.  For me, singing is my deepest prayer. Last week I came across this old Norwegian folk song and I have been singing it ever since. May these words bring comfort, strengthen, and help us to remember that the true point of power is here and now. Together, in the unity of the divine force of life which flows through all of creation, we can do immeasurable good. May it be so <3

I am a part
Of all that is
And all that is
Is a part of me
And I belong here
In this world
I belong here
As who I am


Classes start this week at Blue Lotus Studio in Moorhead, MN! Sign up for Workshops and our Fall Retreat:

 Classes start this week at Blue Lotus Studio in Moorhead, MN! Sign up for Workshops and our Fall Retreat: .

Classes start this week at Blue Lotus Studio in Moorhead, MN! Sign up for Workshops and our Fall Retreat:

The light in me salutes the light in you, namaste, namaste.
Have a beautiful week <3

"Holding the Tension of Opposites, Birthing the Third" Monday Meditations

 Doreen Virtue's now an Episcopalian? Jesus is the King of Kings, Patriarchal issues in Christianity, the struggle of the emerging Divine Feminine and how the Tarot can teach us.

Doreen Virtue's now an Episcopalian? Jesus is the King of Kings, Patriarchal issues in Christianity, the struggle of the emerging Divine Feminine and how the Tarot can teach us.


Visit to see our fall schedule, join our Yoga Basics Workshop Saturday, September 23, get private readings, dream interpretations, yoga lessons, intuition training, and more!  Have a beautiful week.

The light in me salutes the light in you,

Namaste, namaste,

<3 Jess

"Solar Release" Monday Meditations

 Viewing the eclipse from the Circle of Stones at Carleton College in Northfield, MN earlier today.

Viewing the eclipse from the Circle of Stones at Carleton College in Northfield, MN earlier today.

As the light dimmed on earth this afternoon, the energy got a little creepy. I had to get up and walk around to release the collective anxiety I began to feel vibrating. I shook my rattle and beat my drum to steady my body. My mind felt a little more scattered suddenly. Dark thoughts and old issues presented themselves to me as mosquitos came out of the woods and swarmed me as if it was twilight. In the intensity, I remembered that the Goddess is the Queen of the void and I called upon the Divine Mother to assist humanity in creating new life on earth. And then the thunder came, and the rain, and the release. I remembered that this is what it feels like to give birth.

As the day went on, hard conversations and tears were also released. Where in the past these intense conversations would blow up and create barriers in relationships, today I saw people come closer in disagreement and behave more gently. I am so hopeful for humanity.

On top of the solar eclipse, it is also a new moon today, and it is the perfect time to set new intentions.  As I am learning: we can't do everything. We must make choices. We can't continue to live in some future fantasy. We have to say no to some things, and yes to our dreams. I invite you during this potent energetic time to get clear on your hearts desires.

In the sweet story, The Alchemist, one character proposes that the deepest desires of our hearts were put there to be a guide for our soul's path. Our deep joys are soul gifts planted in us to grow and be manifested. Yet it has taken me some time to give myself permission to truly discern what I want. I didn't want to be selfish. For a time I thought surrendering my dreams for others was what God wanted for me. I felt guilty for being happy if others were suffering--not realizing that my joy might actually birth relief and steady others joy. I felt if I was happy, I must not be paying attention to others' suffering.  It took me some time to learn that to serve others I didn't need to diminish myself or be a doormat. My gift to the world will unfold in tending those seeds of joy planted within me. 

There's a lot of strange things going on in the world today. And a lot to get upset about. And while we honor all of our feelings as humans, when others are telling us how we should feel, we're not really tuning into the truth of our being which is rooted in wonder and love.  The media seems to be asking: Are we scared enough? Angry enough? While those feelings can be great catalysts for change, they will run us down and eat us up over time. They are meant to get us back to our joy. 

According to ancient yoga teachings, in the heart center there is a place where joy always resides-- a place that no matter how much heart break we have experienced, remains unbroken.  I invite you to go there this month and let it unfold with the expanding light of the moon.

This weekend I had the honor of sitting with women at the Women's Awakening festival and leading them through meditations to release energy blocks and connect with the light of their soul. I was reminded how profound a practice it is to simply clear our space, and to release.  I do a shorter version of this practice at the beginning of each of my yoga classes by guiding my students to ground into the earth and open up to divine cosmic help.  This week I'm sharing a sample of a powerful Sovereignty Statement that you can use at anytime to release unwanted energies and clear your space. (See below).

When we release, we make room for new life. May we choose to live in abundance with the love that is available to us everyday, that which is eternal and everlasting. <3

May you have a beautiful week,

Sovereignty Statement

I am a sovereign being.
I wish to align myself with Mother Earth and the divine cosmos.
I invite the energies of my highest/whole self and my highest level spiritual guides and most helpful ancestors to be with me and guide me today.
I declare that nothing is allowed in my space that does not serve my highest good and the highest good of all beings.
I am a one soul occupancy. 
Any energies, attachments or entities that are feeding on my light must leave now and
either return to Source or return to kin, but are not allowed to stay in my space anymore.
I choose to shine the light of my being today.
And so it is. It is done. Blessed be.

 Visit  to see all the fall offerings at our new home studio.&nbsp;

Visit to see all the fall offerings at our new home studio. 

"Peace Begins Within" Monday Meditations With Jessica & Friends

The Kingdom of God is within you.
-Jesus, Luke 17:21

If it is as the ascended masters say ~all we need is found within~ if the outer world is merely a reflection of our collective (conscious and unconscious) inner worlds, the question I've been pondering is: how do I relate with my own inner alt-right-neo-nazis in order to help untangle the present day mess?

I am curious. And I wonder what brought them to this place, because I am human and it's too easy to decide that Jesus didn't really mean it when he asked us to love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us.

I look for a door into compassion because all I feel is their hatred in my body and I'm hating them right back and Martin Luther King told us that only love can drive out hate. I think about times when I've been filled with hatred towards myself and others. I remember myself at fourteen, with an armor of Aqua Net bangs hard enough to stand up to any weather the four seasons would throw at me. I wore enough black eyeliner to make my mother ban it from the house, and a scowl to keep people as far away from a very vulnerable and hurting part of myself that I was deeply ashamed of after experiencing sexual abuse as a child.

That hard defense served to protect my terrified inner child, for a time. But it was ultimately too mean, too tough, and not in tune with my deepest truest self, which was nothing to be ashamed about in the first place. That's what trauma does. It puts up the toughest defense it can think of to protect the involitable spirit that is cut off from the energies of our naturally numinous divine nature. 

Angry young men flaunting the symbol of cheap, flimsy tiki torches is a big clue to the delicacy of these beings who I suspect are hiding behind tough scary masks of hate. It points to their collective trauma--which has largely been externalized and unintegrated into their consciousness due to the long history created when society demonized men's sensitivity, their need of the Great Mother, and groomed men to be more soldier than human.  All of her children have been suffering ever since her temples were torn down, ever since women were stripped of power, ever since being called a 'girl' was the worst thing that could happen to a boy, ever since divine wisdom was co-opted for the some sort of disembodied logic that has led us to the brink of destroying ourselves and the earth.

These scared young alt-right-neo-nazi men are waking up to the shocking reality that their world view is crashing and no one has initiated them into their hearts or their bodies or divine wisdom. And they are pissed, but not quite sure who is to blame. When we mirror their hate back to them, it only confirms their hopelessness and feeds their fiery rage. 

All I know is Jesus asks me to love them too and pray for them and this is a hard calling.  

Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.
And comfort those mourning the loss of their loved ones who died for love and for our freedom.
For until we are all free, we are not free.
Comfort all who suffer this day. 

Trauma repeats the past. It overlays the past upon the present moment and turns the wheels of karma in the same old directions. And there is a lot of karma that has been put in our care to work through and repair from ages past.  

It is time to destroy illusions and demons--not humans. The Divine Mother is calling us all home for supper--and she doesn't want any fights at the dinner table.

It's eclipse season--so changes are coming more intensely. The illusions will not last. The veils are parting. Change is hard, but change is so good. We need it. We need spiritual midwives to lead us through this transformation. We've been preparing for it. We are becoming the change we wish to see in the world. Enough of us have done our inner work and the collective is shifting, big time.

Here's my August advice:

  • Hold onto your yoga mats. Intend to live anchored in the compassionate witness of the present moment. Open to the mystery of Source unfolding in present time. Resist reacting from a place trauma. Move with purpose. Move with peace. Trauma moves fast. Peace moves slow and deep like a river. Move slower.
  • Be aware of ancient traumas and wounds the human family has sustained and be tender with our collective vulnerabilities.  Look behind the hard masks for the wounded child the mask protects and try to relate to the human aspect. Watch for false flags, headlines and news written with the intention to trigger us, distract us, and pull us into intense emotions and old unfruitful patterns. 
  • Stay grounded. Bare feet on the earth for 10 min a day will balance and clear all your chakras. It will also tune you in to the resonance of the earth, which has been ramping up in a big way lately.
  • Call on the energies of your higher self and your most helpful ancestors to guide you.
  • Intend to serve the greater purpose somehow, a little every day. It's wrapped up in your own greater purpose, wherever your great joy meets the world's great need (F. Beuchner).
  • Sway the hips. Dance. All this breaks up the collective trauma and fear in the environment around us. We exist in a sort of hologram, so as we activate, clear and hold sacred space in our body, we can activate it in the cosmic body of which we are all one. We are all connected through the light that created us and flows through us, so as we each continue to do our inner work, we will make a big difference in the body of the collective.
  • Visualize the rainbow colors of the chakras fully activated and shinning through the sanctuary of your body. It makes a difference!  (Activate your chakras through my on-line course.)

When we are in trauma's fight/flight/fear/freeze mode we are operating from our lower reptilian brain, and not the higher crown chakras and heart chakras that align us with the divine cosmos and our divine self.  The higher self incarnates and stabilizes peace and love on the earth plane. It's time to zip up and clean up our auric fields and get clear on what kind of energy we are allowing into our space, and what kinds of contracts we are making with ourselves and others. (Schedule a private session with me to learn how.)

May this morning meditation bless your day, and your week, and aid us in anchoring a more integrated whole self filled with more compassion, more peace, and especially more love here on earth at this time.  When we push our embers together, the fire we make will transform the world. Let's take back the collective narrative. We are moving into a new beginning, a new birth. Let's co-create a world that serves the highest good of all.  This is what we came here to do, each in our own unique way.

The light in me salutes the light in you,
Namaste, Namaste,

Join me this weekend at the Awakening Women Festival at magical Ottertail Lake Saturday August 19, 9:30-6 p.m.

Hear inspirational speakers, practice yoga, meet amazing women, explore local offerings, pick up swag, get mini healing sessions and more at this years Awakening Women's Festival put on by Wendie Billie. The theme this year is all about activating your intution. Look for me in my yellow tent! I'll be offering healing sessions and signed copies of my book, Detoxing God

Seven weeks of remembering, learning and practicing using your intuitive skills and oracular abilities to claim your sovereignty, clear your energy body and revision a better world for yourself and others. We will meet Tuesdays 11-12 am. For seven women only.  


Join me on my first yoga retreat: Healing the symmetry of trauma through yoga and fairytales on sacred land dedicated to peace.  We will be staying at a historic (rumored haunted) hotel on a Friday the 13. Participants will experience the energy of Pipestone National Monument where the Great Mother told her people to dig into her body and make pipes for peace that all tribes may be one since they are all her children.  See local Native American artisans, explore the gift shop, walk these sacred grounds and learn how you can help heal the symmetry of trauma in the human family.

The light in me salutes the light in you, 
Namaste, Namaste,

Monday Meditations: Introducing Blue Lotus Studio

 Now offering yoga classes, meditation &amp; chanting, workshops &nbsp;and music events in our new in home studio!

Now offering yoga classes, meditation & chanting, workshops  and music events in our new in home studio!

Happy Monday!  
I've decided to share a little magic on Mondays in my new weekly blog. I'll be offering guided meditations, reflective writing pieces, intuitive readings, and more!

There's a lot of intense energy in the world today and with a full moon in Aquarius TONIGHT, and a lunar eclipse, and a solar eclipse later this month, we all feel big changes in the air.  I'm holding space for us all to breathe, meditate, stay grounded in our bodies while we reflect on the deeper mysteries and myths at play in our collective consciousness (and unconsciousness) and find the way through.

Life is all about choices. Many probable realities are emerging. Many people believe that once the collective reaches a critical mass in choosing what kind of a reality we want to consciously create, things will shift dramatically.  There is a push of multiple agendas.  Will enough of us choose the path of compassion and love and peace?  The pressure to fall asleep, to go unconscious or give up is strong. Staying awake and mindful is a daily practice. Staying connected to a supportive  community is also essential.

Things are many things coming up for review now. Karmic contracts and relationships are being cashed in. What once could be hidden away is now being revealed. The chasm between our ego ideals and our inner worlds is becoming more and more apparent. New bridges need to be made. Reconciliation and restitution are coming.  Playing victim, no matter how justified, just won't cut it anymore. Blaming outside sources isn't going to fix the issues, but being naive about the shadows of authority is not an option either. Feeling helpless is a trap.  Finding our authentic divine sovereignty is key. We are being called to do the deep reflective inner work and get responsible about the energy we are allowing to flow through us into the world while rooting out the weeds around the light of our soul and tuning into inner truth.  The Kingdom of God is within and you never know when the gates might suddenly burst open again. 

I invite you to join me this fall in deepening your practice of meditation. Calming the body and training the mind will help us all move through these intense times with more purpose, awareness, and collective wisdom.  When we practice relaxing the body we allow our parasympathetic nervous system to activate which helps the body release stress and heal.  Cellular regeneration occurs.  We can access our heart, gut and womb knowledge. We can open to new frequencies of divine wisdom streams. We can make better decisions and heal the affects of trauma on the human family.

This fall I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to unfold a big old dream of mine by opening Blue Lotus Studio in our home. I will hold regular small classes, meet with clients, offer workshops and music events here. I'm also offering a yoga retreat on healing trauma this fall. And if you want to kick off this Egyptian new year with some serious inspiration, join me at the Awakening Women's Festival in Ottertail County August 19. I'll be hosting a booth and offering healing of past/present/future timelines and book signings of my memoir, Detoxing God.

I look forward to serving you on your soul path this year,     

High Priestess of Taraloma Earth Temple & Yogini in Residence at Blue Lotus Studio


Seven weeks of remembering, learning and practicing using your intuitive skills and oracular abilities to claim your sovereignty, clear your energy body and revision a better world for yourself and others. We will meet Tuesdays 11-12 am. For seven women only.  


SEP 15~7PM

Experience Jessica's music. Relax, receive, be serenaded. Free will donation (Junkyard beer an acceptable donation :P).  Please RSVP via e-mail to

I am a Terrible Mother


Change is good but sometimes it's fucking hard.

Last night I walked to the corner of my back yard where I had just created a little fairy altar, complete with a butterfly bird bath and mini angel chimes that remind me to SHINE and BLOOM and that CHANGE IS GOOD.  I knelt down, pressing my skin into the earth, and checked my neighbors' back yard to make sure I was all alone.  Then I gave myself permission to break down and sob until I had snot running down my face and smeared on the back of my hands, arms and shirt.  It's the sort of monthly ritual crying that releases all the denial that everything is fine.  I need to take time to face all the worry wheels and trauma wheels that like to spin under my radar and keep me moving along too fast to stop and notice what precious dears I'm neglecting and what's really going on down below.  

I seem to have a special sort of break down at the beginning of July every year as if a deep portal is open to me during this time, since I was little, since the abuse happened, when my life was pulled into the underworld.  Years later, my divorce trial took place at this same time, tacking onto my earlier trauma deeper grooves like an exclamation point.  I simply must kneel and release at this time.  

Life spirals around that old stuff and sometimes you wonder, and then you worry, and then you freak out because you realize you may actually have a role in recreating the past traumas of your life (or your ancestors) over and over again and even if you want to stop, you may not yet know how.  

Sometimes I worry if I stop and face the piercing parts of my inner world, I might not ever stop crying. I smile so that people don't know how sad a part of my heart always is.  I'm trying to build a more flexible bridge between my heart and the world.  I might go mad in the process. I might be even more disorganized than I already am.  I might not get the dishes done.  My kids might catch me losing my shit. I might not be able to stay the same as I was today.  I might have to change.  

Life, she reminds me, is always changing.  If you're alive, then you're changing.  Sometimes change is fucking hard.  That's why we created orthodoxy--to give the illusion of change without all the existential angst.  In orthodoxy, isn't the original sin creative imagination? Is this not Wisdom's broken crown weeping at our feet? Once an Episcopal Bishop confessed to me: it doesn't matter if it's true, the order comforts people.  Yes, I replied, but without the animating spirit, the life force herself, the Shekinah, God's presence on earth, the church will die.  

Tradition says change is not good.  Family members and friends often prefer we change back lest we outgrow things they have given up on, and who are we to be better than someone else or suffer any less?  Change somehow singles you out as a magician for the true magic of life is growth and the spiral of energy that keeps consciousness expanding and learning from old mistakes that we might turn humanity's sin into gold.  The ways to work this are known, but they are not renown.  They have been hidden for an age.  But we are remembering.

I am a shapeshifter and that makes people, including myself, uncomfortable.  I bear 10,000 faces of the lost Goddess, this includes the weird ones that make your tummy hurt and your heart race.

I feel into the subtle realms and I can tune in with the codes in the air. Unconscious shadow material arises and I hold the mirror.  I can become your missing parts so that you may find yourself again.  I can become a garbage can so you feel better having loosed your shadows upon me.  I can become your wildest fantasy, I can embody the sexual energies of tantric priestesses of old who used to heal men after war. I can be your worst nightmare for I am not really any of these things and by our participation mystic, I am also all of them if we so choose.  For I am eternal divine essence and so are you.  This is why the angels always remind us: do not fear.  Because it is too easy to forget that we are playing and become trapped in our worst 3D nightmares. 

But my body does quake at times with fear.  I try to hide this from others very well.  I come across as aloof, stuck up, spacey, pushy, controlling.  Sometimes I tremble and shake as if the ancient wounds happened today, as if I can feel into the wounds that open like screaming mouths and so hungry for healing.  The PSTD care is ongoing.  This is why I do what I do.  Relaxing and feeling safe in the body that has known violation takes a lot of practice.  It takes a lot of gentleness and embodiment to sneak past the fiery gates of inviolable rage.  It takes a lot of strength to swim in the deep sorrow beyond the fire and let it rebirth you.  

I weep because the earth weeps.  Because Mary weeps.  Because Jesus wept.  I weep for all those who are now unable to weep because they've lost access to their tender hearts.  I weep because the prophets are still killed for the profits of a few and the demise of many.  I weep because there is so much broken that I cannot mend.  So much hurt that I cannot make go away.  For what we do to another we do to Christ, we do to the divine, we do to our very selves.  And our bodies are wounded and traumatized.  The human family is a little jittery, a little schizo, and when I feel into that, sometimes I am too.    

Saying goodbye to my children for four weeks every summer hasn't gotten easier over time. Never mind that on Thursday I was counting down the minutes until I would get a break from an intense period of transitioning as we moved in with other people that--let's face it--all of us have some fears and reservations about.  Nobody wants to repeat old traumas.  We all want to know we have learned our lessons and have moved on--but we can only learn together as we learn from our repeated mistakes.  And we need each other to make good mirrors for one another.  If our horns and tail are showing, someone will definitely point it out.

Have you ever lived with someone who refuses to see their shadow?  Have you ever experienced that feeling when you are the epitome of pure evil because the other person is so out of touch with their tender spaces?  

I reminded myself that people tend to regress in transitions, and then we make leaps in growth.  The past few weeks we were all regressing, short tempered, anxiety-filled, yet trying our very best to do life in a whole new way.  The challenge of leveling up and undoing the years of pain that threatened to cocoon us into a breathless space marked by the traumas of time, bound by ancestral sin and unconsciousness. Some days seems insurmountable.  But we press on.  

"We only fail when we give up," Grant reminds me. "I'm not giving up," he says.  Me either, I say, but sometimes I just want to give up for an hour and cry in the backyard.    

I cry because I am a terrible mother. I ground my children from video games and I insist that we treat everyone with dignity and respect. They argue that people deserve what's coming to them.  They try to solve violence with more violence. I can't keep up with all their toys; sometimes they get lost at my house.  I am a terrible mother, just ask my kids. Just ask my ex.

Some days, on my worst days, I wonder how I was able to manipulate the court system so well into believing that I am actually worthy of raising my own children. Why didn't they believe all the stuff my ex said about me? Some days, on my worst days, I listen with dread as the things that were said in court and written down into public record replay throughout my mind and draw me deeper into shame and lack of self-trust.  "Everyone lies," a clergy woman once told me. "It's how we play the game to survive."

It's a long history to shake off.  This week as a trauma anniversary rolled around those energies came at me full force again.  This has been my crucible for many years, my secret shame, that I have been treated with such disdain and disrespect on a regular basis in my own home.  Some new age philosophies tell me that it is ultimately my responsibility: that I invite it, that I agree to it--at some level--even unconsciously and so the energy continues to be attracted into my life.  One mentor pointed out: it's like I have "abuse me" written into my auric field.  I don't know if it's all my fault or if this is just what people are trained to do to love when faced with primal fears of survival: they kill it.  

Jesus showed me how love was sometimes an undignified sort of surrender, a turning of the other cheek and praying for those who hurt you.  It's also a scary bit too close to Stockholm syndrome.  

I am worried about our boys and the accumulation of so much trauma done to men in war and throughout time. So much shame that is shifted around and hidden behind silent heroic feats.  So much weeping left undone for the wounds of our most tender human aspects.  So much energy cut off from the heart center, where warriors of love were transformed into soldiers of war, wearing such heavy armor over their tender love, so they could be good obedient sons, committing atrocities for a manufactured ideal of honor.

Women's studies classes at college helped me wake up to my own participation in hating my feminine essence.  I'm still working on mending our Christian theological history and how it cut out the divine feminine and how these wounds flow through our human family still. 

A few weeks ago I walked down my apartment stairs with "the stern mom-look" because I heard my two children screaming and playing too loudly in our thin-walled halls.  My youngest took one look at me--knew he was busted--and proceeded to run straight into the corner of the wall giving him a fast swelling shiner.

Once he was feeling better both he and his sister decided that it was my fault he ran into the corner because of how I looked at him.  They decided that I "made" him do it.  I suddenly felt the echo of those witch trials where young girls accused witches and wizards of making them do things like roll their eyes or pass out in court.  People fear I have some magic power to do them harm--or heal them. It's up to them I guess, what they want to bring to the field.  It's like waking up to the Matrix that we're all living our own realities and creating so much on the screens in front of us, through the logs in our own eyes, through our projections of evil onto one another, that we're all walking around in a panic--or a kind of dissociated madness.

No matter what happens, we must not lose connection with our hearts, for the light that flows through us here, connects us all to divine love.  We are one family.  One body.  May we love one another.  May we be whole again.    

As a little girl I hungered for safe space to recover from sexual abuse and the anger that erupted in our home and in my private inner world. I too was a part of the problem.  In fact, maybe I was the whole problem; I wondered for years if people like me didn't exist, then the world would be a better place.  All that externalizing our worst fears really causes a big mess. Then we have to turn around and make peace with the wake of illusions we bought for truth. 

Just before my youngest left on this long vacation with his dad he said to me, "Mom, I wish you were dead." You don't ever want to hear your children say that to you, especially when you remember the way you felt when they were born, when you held these little miracles in your arms.  When you never knew how much love would flood your heart for another creature who depended upon you for everything.  And then you see past the hurtful words into the hurt emanating from their heart that is working so hard to shield itself from deep pain that is unable to be integrated. And so it is projected, and you hold it tenderly as a mother does, those fragile things.  

I think in a past life I was a sin-eater, for I feel into the role of someone in a community who is agrees to take on the sins of the dying in order to help their soul pass onto to a better realm in the afterlife.  Isn't this sort of work a minister, a priest, and a shaman does? Often times the sin eater was a person was of lowly stature and often homeless or living in poverty--an outcast--such as became the Shaman Medicine Women and the witches (who were midwives and healers) to Western medical culture.  

In family systems theory this role is played by the black sheep or the scapegoat.  In Christianity this is the role Jesus plays, which gets really confusing for a young girl who wants to do good.  I remember when it dawned on me: the soul never dies or sacrifices itself--it is only the illusions that shield the truth of the eternal soul which fall away.  In the Tarot deck the Emperor reigns over the crucified reality as an archetype of the Prince of Peace.  His crucifixion involves protecting the energies of the Empress (Being) and Priestess (Wisdom) and Magic (divine co-creative play).  True surrender is for love and protection of the vulnerable.  True surrender does no harm to the vulnerable, in divine cosmic law.  But sometimes we confuse the archetype of the crucified Emperor, the good son, as one who is simple dead inside with no animating feminine life giving spirit, because that has been sacrificed instead to a lesser god presently ruling this world with trauma.  

I feel into the experience of being burned at the stake in the public square.  I seem to remember gazing at faces who both love and hate you.  I remember into the way the body feels, how the womb constricts and the heart bursts into flames, when a woman was put on trial by theologians who feared her magically feminine ways of being. I feel into the safety given to "good Christian men" who didn't know what to do with their deepest fears and darkest fantasies, but to project them outward, to externalize them upon certain women who fit the bill--not to ultimately be condemned as evil themselves--as some feminists have confused--but ultimately to help men become more conscious of themselves, to grow in love towards all parts of self, so we can grow in consciousness. 

I am remembering that I came here to work on this issue in my lifetime. It's this soul contract that set me up in a way--to choose to be born into this Norwegian Lutheran lineage, to experience the shadow of the "good sons," that we might remember also remember the "good daughters" and the Goddess, and heal the wounded feminine, and Medusa's madness, and the wounded masculine, and restore Poseidon's passions.  

With all these strange energies in my field, in my cellular memories, in my agreements made before I was born, I am remembering that I agreed to carry the archetypal projections of the whore and the holy woman in this lifetime in order to resurrect the body of the Goddess and activate her divine feminine energy for humanity's ascension, for as she rises, so do we.  

I am remembering that I agreed to initiate people into the underworld because these are the resurrection mysteries known by Mary Magdalene, Isis and the Great Goddess of old; these are stored in all of our DNA awaiting activation and integration.  The Divine Feminine fell under the sea of unconsciousness, as the Gnostics understood Sophia to fall for an age, for our understanding of all these things.  Now this age is coming to an end. This lifetime is to be different.  What was held in secret will be shouted from the rooftops.  

What I am seeing now is how the human imagination has been hijacked to spin repeating traumas.  How much have we stoic Norwegian Lutheran's been told we can't think about certain things?  See how much fear we have stuffed down deep.  How the energy line between the third and fourth chakra has been severed so that we work with a good crucified son energy, while working ourselves unconscious and disconnected from our body wisdom and our sacred sexuality.  This was never the plan.  We are allowed to dream and to imagine.  So let's stop fearing the worst is about to happen and externalizing evil.  Let us instead see the fragile children behind the evil masks throwing tantrums with compassion.  

I have to remember the big history I was born into to understand why the present day circumstances feel so heavy at times. They are heavy in the human family.  

I often heard Lutheran's rail on Mary.  She was stripped down with lofty theological arguments to affirm her lack of divinity--only Jesus was divine; the rest of us--we were worms--except maybe Bach.

It's easier to perpetuate trauma in the human family when our dignity is lost. When we forget that we are truly royalty at our core, true sons and daughters of the One Most High, made with infinite light that no sin could truly cover our essence--only ignorance, and only for a time.

I dream of lifting up the floorboards to find the house is rotten.  No one wants to look. There are lady bugs everywhere. In the patriarchal mind: Ladies bug me!  The hatred of the feminine essence is strong in the rivers that flow through history to meet me here; loving our most vulnerable parts is the way to recovering human dignity. I must find the keys to unbind these wounds in the world: You can't be that weak in the world.  You need to toughen up.  Stop being so sensitive.  You think too much.  You feel too much. You'll make a mistake in public and your whole life will be ruined!  Hiding away is safer than standing in the light.  Science is more valid than your silly art.  You make me feel uncomfortable.  I want you.  I am repulsed by you. I hate you because you're tall, because you're skinny (or fat). I hate you because you're beautiful (or ugly).  I hate you because you make me feel insecure.  I hate your naivete because it reminds me of my innocence lost. You are a stupid girl because you can't do math.  Beauty is a deceiver since Satan was the most beautiful angel.  You just want attention.  Women are manipulative and not to be trusted.  Men are to be trusted more than women. You are crazy. You are mad.... the list that binds the feminine soul goes on and on and on.  

The primal fear of the weakest link is being abused by the collective, being the scapegoat of what people fear most: vulnerability.  Ultimately the abuse of the child and what is most tender in humanity.  But we know all to well growing up what happens to the kid who appears the weakest to his peers; he get's beat up or raped.  Loving our enemies is hard. But we are not truly one another's enemies.  We are traumatized creatures projecting our deepest fears onto the divine faces which we all have.

To unlock, I must descend.  I must go through.  I can't fight and deny.  I must accept:  I am a terrible mother. I embody the fears. I hold a place for all the things that have been unacceptable which belong to the wholeness and dignity of the human family.  

I lost my shit one day--granted we were sitting in a hot car without air conditioning for a long time and my son began to complain that I needed to give up being a yoga teacher and get a real job and be a more normal mom so I could make real money and we could get out of this apartment that was too small and I could buy him every video game he desired or something like that.  I snapped. I saw red and words flew out of my mouth from the depths of my own private hell.  Words that I reserved only for me on my worst days.  This rage asks for deep tender healing.  So much healing I have to do still.  I wounded my son with my reaction.  And he'll never forget it, and neither will I.  I am a terrible mother. I am a human mother.   

I was reminded how high school kids tend to be jerks to each other in order to lessen the pain of saying goodbye to all they ever know, to act tough as they prepare to adventure into a new unknown world.  I was reminded how anger is often an easier go-to emotion that resides above the deep grief that invites us into the center of black inertia--not to die--but to be reborn.  But we don't show each other our grief very well.  The anger keeps the boundaries around all that is so fragile and wounded.  And I know that I am only a terrible mother because someone else feels so terrible and doesn't feel strong enough to love and integrate their demons yet, so I must hold them for a while.  I must transmute them.  This is what a healer does.

I've been learning to make peace with the terrible mother that I am who is prone to see red.  I'm a Taurus after all.  Saint Paul asked, "How can we hate our very bodies?" And I want to know if the man felt what it was like to be a woman and hold the deep fears of men in her body?  For we are taught how to hate our bodies and buy products to fix what was never was broken for the striving of perfection and freedom from our Mother.  We are sold illusions and fear and war to keep the Prince of Peace at bay.  The Prince of Peace needs the terrible mother, and she needs him, for they are the partners of sacred union, the true kings of earth, submit to and marry the goddess who is earth herself.   

After a rough morning that involved taking her aggression out on the cat, her brother, and her newly cleaned room--my daughter Ela confessed to me in despair: I'm bad, I'll never be good like you...I'm the devil."  For those times I see red, I do have those other times when I open my mouth and I don't know where the words come from.  I've had to undue those taboos that say I can't channel for that is of the devil, and decide that no actually I can for I AM A CHANNEL OF DIVINE LIGHT a living sanctuary.  I say, "Ela--we are both good and evil.  We came here to learn wisdom and the knowledge of good and evil.  We are all devils and angels trying to find our way back home."  

She says she sees angels. She says she sees demons. We carry an ancestral line of sensitive women who've learned to deny what we see and feel and know in order to appease the great fear of the scientific world who overtook the intuitive feminine realms, that force that convinces us that all that is real is what we can see and touch and measure.  Yet I know spooky action at a distance.  I know my feelings are real even when my ex valued his logic over my feelings, even when all his brilliant mind reduced my interior experiences to insignificant madness.  I know there are realms of reality, and I remember the other dimensions from before birth. If that makes me mad, then may my hair turn to snakes.   

I was scared to have children.  I didn't want to be a terrible mother.  But it seems it was my divine destiny.  In the Renaissance feelings carried a higher value than logic.  Feelings and passion could move a crowd much better than logic.  

This long-time dance of opposites continues to spiral through our expanding consciousness as we turn again and try again for integration. 

Intuitive women have been ridiculed, tucked away, silenced, burned at the stake, locked up in looney bins, banned from serving as ministers in the church, banned from the right use of our imaginations, which when graced by divine feminine wisdom, have the power to change the world in the blink of an eye.  We are all magicians.  All weaving illusions.  All invited to co-create a reality together. All remembering how we each belong to something greater than ourselves.

I have been practicing a new relationship with myself as a terrible mother.  This is my shadow work--loving that what I fear with tender compassion.  It's been too easy, to knee jerk to rage on our vulnerabilities.  We were Vikings for godsake.  Don't be a wimp. But being tender and gentle actually takes great strength.  This is why the angels are frightening when they appear.  They know good and evil.  And they restrain themselves with great care so that they abide by the highest laws of love.

 Kali Mandala drawing by my mother. &nbsp; See our coloring pages .

Kali Mandala drawing by my mother.  See our coloring pages.

The Indian Goddess Kali was also called a terrible mother--and a good mother.  She holds the opposites of these energies together in balance.  She is the Goddess of Terror wielding her knives dripping with blood as she is the demon slayer.  She destroys illusions. It is she who makes the demons tremble.  When she has consumed the demons, she nearly runs mad as she digests and transforms all this energy in her body, as our earthy and cosmic mothers do, it is her lover Shiva that comes and surrenders to her and heals her.  Together they create the sacred marriage and birth the universe anew with their divine sexual union.  And maybe that was the Magdalene's role as well.  Maybe it was she silently standing in the background, adding her divine feminine energy to support Jesus' ministry.  Maybe Jesus died not for the sins of the whole world--but for his own sin (gasp!) of accidentally killing a childhood playmate as he was learning his divinity, as the Gnostic texts reveal.  Maybe we are all here to balance out our personal and family karma, all called to activate our divine-human wisdom and integrate the shadows and the light, to know good and evil, to see it first and foremost in ourselves and all else as an illusion unraveling into deeper mysteries.

I weep because the Goddess weeps.  I love because She first loved me.  I see how much my children love me that they must sever themselves from me with harshness in order to shield themselves from the pain of the loss of my presence.  We have done this for a few years now.  Still our edges are rough.  Thank Goddess her energies are strong even if on some days my humanity is not, for divine love never fails, though it is pressed thin.

I am learning to accept that I am a terrible mother because I know that is the only way I can also be a good mother.  I am integrating the fragmented parts of the divine feminine in my body.  I am the whore and the holy woman.  I am all these things that you see in me, and I am no-thing, for we rise out of the great beginning and we are still divine emerging. 

We created the idea of the terrible mother.  She exists so we can shield ourselves from the great pain of the feeling the loss of our connection to the earth and our most vulnerable aspects of ourselves. If she is demonized, we can stuff away any regret or feelings of neediness for her love.  But She still is among us, sending us love no matter how much we have tried to deny that we need Her.  She who is Terror, She makes all of our demons flee. She helps us to see more clearly the way of love is the way of return to the Garden of Eden.  The love we truly need has been right here all along, no matter how far we as children have strayed.